Goodbyes to Many Things

When moving such a long distance, it is not just friends you have to say goodbye to, it is places, foods, acquaintances, favorite things. Tonight we went to eat at one of our favorite restaurants, Create. Not only did we get sad farewells from the staff who know us by name, but we had to say a sad farewell to the great food we like to enjoy there. To some it is only burgers, but to us it is a fresh choice to fill our tummys. This is not the only place, there are so many others. Favorite servers who treat us like family when we come in and other staff that know us if only by face but greet us with warm welcomes every time we arrive. I am going to miss Create, Buca di Bepo, our local Fresh and Easy, Zia Records, Trader Joes (and the cuties that work there), our local bar Flex and Walter's favorite, The Griffen. I will miss the people who make our frequenting these places so enjoyable and the friends we have made there. I do look forward to new places to enjoy and experience and the new people we will meet, as we always do.

Tears and an Itunes Playlist

So what the hell. I decided tonight to put my "Leaving Las Vegas" playlist together. Boy, am I glad I was doing it alone.

How does one sum up 11 years of their life in song? I must be doing a good job since I am still in tears from all the emotion and feelings and memories that are coming out. Songs that you would not expect to be emotional seem to be hitting me right in the tear duct! It is funny how songs, even written with different meaning and intention can mean something totally different to me right now at this point in my life.

I may talk how I hate Las Vegas, but I don't. I just hate how it changed. I love the experience and life that I have had here. I'd share the list here, but it is so much to type (43 songs) and I don't want to do that. If you are interested in my list, let me know and I will work at getting it to you.

A Time to Give

I don't know about you, but we don't need anything for Christmas. Everything we want we usually buy ourselves or if we don't have it, it is because it is too expensive to get and need to save for. We have a lot of friends that are the same. We know people who really you can rack your brain for weeks on what to get them, but either they already have it, don't need or want it, or it's out of the price range you want or can spend on them.

I read this article posted on a friend's blog about 31 Days of Giving back. Some of the things are not really anything I would do (like giving manicures at a local nursing home) But others are great ideas of ways to donate to causes in affordable amounts that I thought could be done on behalf of those friends who have everything. Here is the link to the article. I think it could make a world of difference for someone else while sharing the Christmas Spirit with the friends who have everything!

Remember, it is the season to remember friends and family and it is not what you give to them, but the caring thought behind it. Anyone can give a gift card, but a thoughtful friend will give you a gift card to a place that you frequent! Show the love of the season, even if it is a card to tell them they are in your thoughts. Peace!

Gobble Gobble, Nudge Nudge

Well, here it is again, another Thanksgiving! As I sit here and think about the many things that I am thankful for, I cannot help but reminisce over the past 11 years I have spent in Vegas. Here is a list of the things that I am thankful for because I lived in Las Vegas:

1. Walter. If I never lived here we would probably never have crossed paths.
2. My Bachelors degree. Living here got my ass on track, even if it took 9 years to get it.
3. My friends. Past and present. The ones I love and the ones who I don't really like anymore. They all have helped shape me into the person that I am today...good and bad.
4. The Experience. I am thankful for all the crazy experiences that I have had here. From the VIP night clubs to the summer beach vollyball, they have all been interesting and memorable.
5. The Realization of Self. Mostly over the past 2 years this has been more apparent, but also through my whole exisitance here, I have realized who I am, what is really important to me, and that those things I thought were important, really were not.
6. Casino work. While I may say that I hate it, it was not always bad. It definitely has been a trip and an experience that I really appreciate.

I hope that we all remember today that we should give thanks not only for our family and friends, but for life...the good and the bad, and all that we learn from it.

Moment of Realization

I had the bright idea to come home from work and start packing today. I wanted to start with the artwork so I would have time to patch holes and paint over the patches. As each piece of personality came down off the wall the house started to feel more dry and empty. I did not notice it at first, I was too busy carefully wrapping and placing them in boxes. It was not until I stood up and saw the stark white walls that a sadness set in. A whole long chapter of my life is ending. It is really ending. While I am so excited for the change, and no matter how much I say I hate Las Vegas, I am still going to miss it.
So many great things have happened in this town for me. I met Walter, I actually finished college, I worked inside a casino! I met and deleted so many friends. I learned so much about me and life that I cannot look at my stint in Vegas as a bad chapter, but an exciting part of my life! I learned to be poor. I learned to get what I want. I learned that sometimes what I want is really not what I want in the long run and to be satisfied with what I already have, because in many cases (the house) what I have is so far better than what I think I want. So many life experiences and education have come out of the past 11 years here, but it is time to end this chapter.
While my white walls scare me a little, and bring the reality that I really am leaving in 5 short weeks, they also excite me for the opportunity to fill new white walls I have yet to see. Viva Las Vegas! Viva Austin!

California Dreamin'

Well, it seems life can deliver you lemons (like my job and boss from hell) but if you take those lemons, sell them, and book a flight to San Diego then fuck the lemonade and get out of Dodge! I have to leave in a few hours and am truly not looking forward to the return to life in Vegas. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to pack the house, I don't want to try and Craigslist the rest of the stuff we don't want to take with us.
I do want to see Walter. I do want to prepare for the move. I do want to move. Again...getting out of Dodge and this time for good. I realized while down here that normal hours do exist. Nice people and friends abound. And, if I did not know it already, my job makes me miserable and I need a new one.
I have had five full days of smiling and whimsy. I have not thought of work, breathed work, or missed work. I have a less happy face on now realizing that I have to return to work in about 16 hours. But, time to paste on a smile and move ahead. I only have 5 weeks left in hell, ummm, I mean at the Santa Fe, and I need to make the most of them. I do work with some truly amazing people and really enjoy their company. I will miss them. Unfortunately, we happen to work at one of the worst places (formerly a Fortune Top 100 Places to Work For until it went private earlier this year) and that makes us a little more on edge than we were in the past. I feel very lucky I am escaping. I guess I need not vent on my job from hell, but more so on my wonderful trip!
We are talking happy hour twice with Paco and cheap fish tacos and chicken flautas at Baja Betty's. A walk around and in the Hotel Del Coronado as well as a nice walk along the beach with a kite in tow. I got some wonderful shots while at the beach (yes, even some of hot guys) to add to my collection and maybe start my new series of works on So Cal hot spots. Off to a night at Pecs to see one of the new contestant on TOP CHEF who is a bartender there. We kicked off watching the season opener while enjoying heavily poured cocktails and having lovely conversation. I subsequently visited this bar each night for the rest of my trip. Hunky men, heavy drinks and a nice atmosphere.
We were heading to wine country in Temecula for a nice Saturday afternoon until wildfires broke out in So Cal and stopped 3 of our friends from coming to meet us there. Tossing up the thought of still going we decided to go anyway, just the 3 of us, and enjoy some wine and food there. On our way, the fates were against us and the car started acting weird and overheating causing us to rethink the trip. All the signs were saying not to go, so we adhered and turned around. We ended up in downtown San Diego at the Hyatt sipping wine and having an array of cheeses enjoying a spectacular view of all of San Diego and its surrounding beauty.
Now I sit back at home...time has passed and I have to work in 4 hours. I am going in rejuvenated, refreshed, and just waiting to see what hell has broken out over the past week I have been gone. Wish me luck!

OBAMA!!

I cannot describe the feelings that I have right now. I cannot explain why I had tears streaming down my face while listening to Obama's speech. I don't know why I feel the way I feel because I have never had these feelings during and election before. All I know is that I finally feel proud of my country again. I feel like we will be a world power to look up to and respect again. I feel that life will get better as a country, not as a selection of our country. I feel that everyone is better off globally. I feel like we can do it and be liked again. I am excited I am seeing history in the making. The first mixed race President of the United States of America, and I voted for him! I voted for change and I am excited and proud about it. Maybe that is where my unexplained emotions are coming from!

So Excited For The Election

I don't quite know why, and I don't quite know how since I am not a very political person, but I am so excited for this election tomorrow I cannot stand it! I cannot explain why or what is prompting me to even write about this, but I just am excited! So, it is no secret that I have already cast my vote for Obama. 5 months ago I would not even commit to voting because neither candidate really said anything that impressed me. I even had a friend yell and get mad at me over this. I told her that as soon as I heard something that would matter to me then, and only then would I decide to vote. I heard something from Obama, was impressed, and decided to follow a little closer than I had. It was NOT a party decision. It was a decision on what was spoken and sometimes what was held back. I like that Obama could hold back sometimes. I just pray that it will not be another 4 years under a "Bush-like" agenda. VIVA CHANGE! WE NEED IT! I will be plastered to the TV tomorrow night watching the polls close, so feel free to call if you want!

Do Homeless People Have It Figured Out?

Do you ever sit at a stop signal and see the homeless person with a sign and wonder how they got there? What happened so bad in life that put them on the street, in poverty, open to the elements and begging for their next meal and drink?
I was bored at work the other night and was thinking. I thought how I hate my job, what things I need to get rid of before the move, what things to keep. I was thinking of what bills needed to be paid that week and what ones I was just going to pay early to get them out of the way. In my mind I was budgeting the move, the groceries and entertainment money out of my next paycheck. SO many things going through my head and secretly wishing that I had no care in the world. I thought to myself, "If I were homeless I would not have to worry about any of this." This caused my next thought, "Are we the stupid people working to attain things we want, in turn attaining things we don't want (like bills), when all we really want is simplicity? Do homeless people have it all figured out?"
Ok, run with me on this. Imagine being homeless. You can roam where ever you'd like. People avoid you because they think you are crazy. You get a spiffy cart from somewhere and fill it with all your immediate needs as well as cans and bottles to recycle (see, some homeless are more 'green' then most of us!). You get all the exercise you need to stay fit and all the fresh air to be healthy. You can play in the park all day long and dine on any food you want (as long as you don't mind someone's left overs) depending on what dumpster you want to jump into.
Sure it has its downsides too. It can get cold on the street. Someone else who is more crazy can come up and cut you. You will always wear hand-me-down clothing, and you may not always smell the freshest, but take all that away and WHAT A LIFE!
Is there a way to do both? Live respectably and freely at the same time? Can we have all we really need and be happy with that? Can we suppress our human need to attain things? I think if there were, some of us would have already figured it out and be living that way. I think some already are, but as for me, I could not live like that, but secretly wish I could.

Give Someone A Hug

I think we underestimate the power of affection. We need it, our family needs it, our friends need it, and even sometimes near strangers need it. The power of a hug is amazing.

The other day I had a friend over for dinner. I noticed that she was not quite herself just as I was not quite myself. It seems we had similar dilemmas. We are both moving soon and our partners are not proving the most concerned about the details. This is probably because she and I have made most of the arrangements, done most of the research and have taken the burden of stress on our shoulders merely our of being control freaks and wanting to make sure everything is done and done right. This is not a time to drop the ball on anything. We talked about almost everything except our moves. She spend her days off cuddled up to a book and a bottle or 2 of wine. I spent my last few days off watching TV, thinking of working out and thinking of packing. We were both avoiding the move in someway and releasing the burden, which was obviously not helping our inner-being. After eating and some venting, then some cleaning up, she started to walk out of the kitchen. I stopped her, brought her back and gave her a nice big hug. I think it was more therapeutic for me than it was for her, but I am sure it helped each of us the same. The loneliness left, the mood changed, and, I am sure the chocolate raspberry martinis helped, but we were more in sync than we had been all night. We finished up by a quick decision to play (and ultimately not win at) BINGO.

What is my point to this rambling? Pay attention to each others needs! Recognize when someone needs something! Give a hug freely and often; it can do you a bit of good too! (Make it a real nice big bear hug...squeeze and hold. Throw your head into the shoulder! Make the most of it. It is cheap caring therapy!)

Weather Change

These past few days the weather has been beautiful! We spent the past 2 nights outdoors, roaming around. It gave me a glimpse of what I really want to enjoy on a daily basis. Being outdoors relaxed me, freed me and made me want to be outside even more. I cannot wait to be in a city where outdoor activities are more prevalent. There is something missing being inside all the time. TV is mesmerizing, but not very stimulating. It is entertaining, but often stale. The computer can only entertain for so long. Reading bores me. Give me the breeze, a coffee and a nice walk. Let have stimulating conversation and I am in heaven! I guess life can be what you make it, how you want it and better than what I think it is right now....which is stagnant. Let me head off here and go get some fresh air! Later!

Just had to add this on McCain...

go watch the lies!

McCain's YouTube Problem Just Became a Nightmare

Been Awhile...

Wow. It has been awhile. I guess I have just not had an opinion lately! Well, I still have no opinion on anything, but here is what we've been up to.

Last week we went to LA. Funny as it turns out, everything we planned to do we did not do. We planned to go to the Sound of Music Sing-a-long hosted by Julie Andrews at the Hollywood Bowl. Didn't happen. Also planned to go to the LA Galaxy game...Yeah, that did not happen either. What did happen instead, we saw Wicked at the Pantages Theater. How awesome was that. It was such a good show and we totally enjoyed it. We also hit the Huntington Library and took a ton of pictures and roamed the beautiful gardens there. We intended to go to the Museums too, but little did we know that they all close at 4:30pm. So we were denied! We spent some fantastic times with Albert, Kathy and Sven (Kathy's new beau...nice guy). It was so relaxing and great. We hit some of out most favorite spots in LA. We had breakfast at The Pantry, shopping in the Garment District, dinner and drinks in Santa Monica and my favorite morning ritual, walking from Kathy's apartment and getting coffee at the Coffee Bean. I did not want to come home. That was in part because I hate my job and did not want to go back to work, but also because the time was so well spent with people and places we love.
Coming home was not so fun. Walter and I both got colds (mine lasted a bit longer than his). I found out I was denied for 6 of the 7 jobs I applied for, and work, well, I still hate my job....
But, this is a new week. I am feeling better and have been having a great day all around (other than some fucking soliciter from UNLV calling and waking me up after only 4 hours of sleep...asshole!)
Coming up, a week full of continuing to look for jobs, look for places that are affordable and will allow us to keep Jasper, and trying to sell my dresser on craigslist. I may try to work in some packing as well.
Also, on a good note, I have started back on my eating healthy plan again (it went astray for a few weeks, ok a month...) and I lost 5 pounds! That was nice. I just need to get my ass working out now! Baby steps....
Well, thats about it on me. Hopefully I will get an opinion on something soon and can rant about it..LOL..

Hurt, Hear-say, and A Dinner Party

The saying "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" was stolen from my rules for a dinner party. When I have friends over to my house, I expect that any conversation, happenings, ventings, embarrassings, etc. stay at the house party. There are things always said in the company of friends, new or old, that just don' t need to be repeated outside. Repeat them to your spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend, but no one else needs to know especially if it will turn into malicious gossip and hear-say. Somehow if/when this happens, I feel somewhat responsible for the problem. I know I should not, but I am the one with the ecclectic circle of friends who brings them all together, most of them only knowing of each others existance at my home. I thought I was an adult. I thought my friends were adults. I hope we all are adults still. I didn't like Jr. High the first time and I don't want to experience it again.

The rule is officially posted and no longer implied! Come and enjoy our hospitality with no reservations.

Reality of a College Education

" What do you do with a B.A. in English,
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.

I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.

But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference,
To the human race."
- "What Do You Do with a B.A. in English?" Avenue Q

How often lately have I felt this sentiment. This opening song from the musical Avenue Q is so fitting to my life right now. Here I am with a degree, finally, and not sure what I want to do with it.

How is it that some people fall into these perfect and exciting jobs? Some people just are in the right place at the right time. Some just trip over it. Some even find the job, don't want to take it and later accept it only to find out it was a dream job! WHY CAN THIS NOT HAPPEN TO ME??

While doing job searches on the internet, there is nothing but crap out there! There are jobs that sound like fun and that would be interesting, but they are all requiring 5+ years of experience or some requirement that I have never heard of. Where are the interesting jobs that pay well and people love? Am I just looking in the wrong places? Have I just been mistaken and there really is no job like that out there? Or am I just destined to be in a boring office job doing paperwork for the rest of my life? Is there really more to life after a college degree than I was thinking? or am I just going to have to really take a 50% pay cut to enter into the post college workplace? Could it be I went to the wrong University? or decided to major in the wrong area?

Speaking of the wrong University, I recently (and embarrassingly am admitting it now) went to go see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 . It was here that I realized how people in movies always go to some fancy college or university. No one in the movies go to UNLV, University of Michigan, or God forbid, Community College. They all go to Brown, Yale, Harvard. Why? Are these places so unattainable, like the experiences in movies, that we have to dream of them as well? and are they that much better? Obviously the jobs you will get just by attending one of these places will be far better than the average person. And those of us who attended an average University will have to work a lot harder to make the incomes those elite students will be making, but why rub it in our faces when we should just be being entertained? Sorry, just a side rant!

But really. What do you do after college especially when you are not sure what you want to do? If anyone really knows, let me know!

Lessons from Cooking Chili

Who knew cooking could teach you so many things. Here are the things I learned while cooking my chili today:
#1. Never, never, never touch jalapeño juice and then your balls.
#2. V8 relieves the burn from jalapeños on skin, so does lemon and a mixture of water and baking soda.
#3. Chili does not have to be hot; it is ok to not put the jalapeños in, especially after my experience.
#4. Soaking beans takes time...a lot of time. Never rush things that are meant to take time.
#5. A nice mixture of beans makes the chili more interesting and tastier. This one I used 3 kinds: kidney, pinto, and black.
#6. Seasoning is the spice of life, but too much spice can make your chili undesirable and no one will want to eat it.

How these relate to us in life?
#1. Never, never, never touch jalapeño juice then your balls. It's a lesson in and of itself!
#2. Some of the most unorthodox things can be soothing. Open up and let yourself be relieved by something you're not used to.
#3. Life can be nice without the heat. No matter what you do, switch it up and break conceived rules. Go unconventional!
#4. We are in too much of a rush in life. Take your time. When you do, things really do turn out better.
#5. Having a nice mix of friends makes life better. Why have people around you who are all the same. The more diverse friends we have, the more we can learn.
#6. It's good to be yourself. It's funny to be crazy. But sometimes, too much is really too much! There is a time and a place. Learn how to figure out when and where.

Harry Potter Trailer!

Ok, so the new Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince trailer is out. There are a bunch of phony ones on youtube, but here is the real one! I am so excited for this movie. It is going to be so good! Here it is!
Let me know what you think! I loved it!

Life Is A Gamble

If you look at the true definition of gambling, it is to risk something of value on something with an uncertain outcome. This "valuable" thing could be our hearts, our time, our hard earned cash, but no matter what it is, we are willing to risk it for something better (i.e. the uncertain outcome). My friend Albert was here last night and we went out gambling (in a casino). As we were talking I started to think why I was so willing to lose the $20 I put into a slot machine. I knew my odds were bad of winning a jackpot. Hell, I know better just by working in the gaming industry here! But I was still willing to do it. My twenty buck lasted a long time actually. At one point, due to a very nice hit on Keno, I had doubled my money. Why then did I come home with nothing?

I look at our decision to move to Austin as a gamble as well. We are risking comfort, good jobs, familiarity, and closeness of friend to go to a place where we don't know the outcome. I guess that is the excitement of gambling. The adrenaline rush of waiting to see the outcome, to see if your risk was a good one or one that leaves you going home with nothing.

To me, the risk is always worth it! No matter the outcome, something was always learned. Last night for instance, I learned to leave while I am ahead. Doubling my money IS a good thing even if it was only $20. I learned what games paid me more and what games took more money faster. I learned that life is like a casino. You go in hoping for a winning streak. You risk everything to gain something. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but in the end you have to reflect on if the whole experience was worth it. To me, last night was. I was able to spend hours with my best friend who I have not seen since Christmas! We caught up, talked deeper into what was really going on with us, our lives and our relationships. For that alone, it was worth the $20!

I guess what I am trying to say is: Gamble it all! Make the choice, and gamble it all! You may have to lose a little to gain a lot! I think our move will gain us tons! New friends, new experiences, new jobs that might be better than the jobs we have! I am willing to gamble it all! Nothing in life is ever gained without a little risk involved!

Controversial Olympics???

So is it just me, or are these the most controversial Olympic Games in history. Lets make a list of some of the happenings:

-- Tibet - need I say more.
-- Today Iran being told they cannot attend now.
-- Chinese Government evicting people from their homes with violence and in the middle of the night so that they can plant gardens. People literally being in their homes one day and the next morning not only are the people gone but the home had been knock down!
-- The pollution the Chinese are trying to clean up and get cleared out mere week before the start of the games.
-- Thousands of people besieged as the final tickets go on sale in Beijing
-- Chinese government having to change some media laws and opening media ways for Olympic reporting coverage...

The list can go on and on. Every day I am hearing something new.

While talking with one of my dealers who is from Beijing and asking "What the fuck?" she reminded me how good we do have it in the US having the freedoms that we do often take for granted. The freedom to speak out against our President and other government officials, the freedom to live how we want to and feel safe. I often forget that my big mouth would have been killed along time ago in some countries, but here in the States, I am free to go against the grain if I want to. I feel fortunate of that.

The Beginning

There always has to be a start, so now I am sitting with my iced coffee (second glass in the past hour) deciding what to start my blog with.

I guess I should first start with the reason I am beginning this blog. I figure it is time to have a place that is private yet still public to voice my opinions, frustrations, loves, pleasures, and everything that stems from them. Also, it will allow friends, family, and strangers to get my point of view and the ability to disagree with me or concur. I am on the internet so much doing a lot of nothing, that I may as well do something now.

Yesterday my friend Dave from Salt Lake City was passing through on his way to Comic Con. We have not seen each other in 4 years. The nice thing about good friends is that you don't have to see each other on a daily, weekly, or even yearly basis to get along. We had a fantastic time. Walter and I met up with him and 2 of his friends at The Star Trek Experience for dinner. What a great time we had being geeky with our talk of comics, movies and really not much talk of Star Trek itself (me not being much of a Trekkie). It was followed by an evening of catching up, drinking, some gambling and even an over paid stripper (per Walter's enjoyment). To say the least, it was fantastic.

It made me start thinking how nice it was to see someone I don't get to see often and reunite. How often do we think of a friend and let it pass. I know I am very guilty of that. I think to myself, "Gosh, I need to call them," but give an excuse why I can't. "I'm tired." "I'm not in the mood to talk." "I haven't talked to them in so long, I wonder if they will remember me." I am an idiot for thinking that. If they are truly friends, and you really are one, do any of those excuses matter? It only takes 10 minutes to catch up and really less than a minute to leave a message if that is what comes your way.

This summer so far has been a reconnection of friends for Walter and I. We went to Austin a few weeks back and reconnected with some of Walter's friends from high school; some he had not seen in about 15 years! You know you are friends when people take time out of their busy lives to travel over an hour to see you just for a few hours. We has such a wonderful time. I met new friends and Walter was able to reminisce of past memories. This next weekend I will get to see my best friend Albert who I have not gotten to see since Christmas time. I spoke with my buddy George in Indiana, who I have not talked to in almost a year, and was able to catch up with him. I am learning that I need to be a better friend to all these people I love so much. They each have helped to shape me and edify my life's experiences, and they need to be contacted more than a yearly Christmas card! It is always a pleasure to catch up though, no matter how much time has passed.

I guess I had more to write on this blog than I expected. I guess I will stop this gibberish and leave some for another entry.

'Til next time...