Evolution of a Relationship

I believe in evolution. No, not the theory of evolution (well, I do as it was intended) but in evolution of people. I believe to be successful in life, one should be in constant evolution. Learning, experiencing, digging into your soul for who you really are (not how society has shaped you), are all ways that cause us to evolve. I like to consider myself ever evolving. I like to hope that everyone around me is doing the same. I think we are. That is why some friends come while others go. Some friends you grow closer with while others you just don't mesh anymore because of the evolution of one, the other, or both.

I think part of a successful evolving relationship is where communication is involved talking about newly accepted changes, learnings, feelings, etc. When this communication lacks, the relationship may fall apart, or become highly distant and/or complicated.

This is what makes good friends great and mediocre friends fade away. People do enter your life at the right time to teach you something new. I am never sad to lose a friend who taught me something that made me better. While I am sad when they fade away or drop off completely, I accept it and move on.

Sometimes these relationships require new rules. Good example is that my mother and I NEVER talk about politics. It keeps peace and harmony when we are together. It does not mean that I an silent about my views, we just know that it causes contention where it is not necessary so avoid the topic. I think this is good at finding where your ground is with people. I avoid religious topics with some friends, child rearing frustrations with others. I just want a peaceful life and as an observer, know who and who not to talk to about certain subjects. I keep my identity, yet keep the peace too.

I know and understand boundaries. I know and understand how to push some boundaries too. That is part of evolution. Pushing boundaries to move ahead and helping others when you think they are ready. Nothing is better than becoming in sync with someone and progressing with them through change. It is symbiotic.

I sure hope I never stop in my evolution in life. I hope my friends never hit a stagnant spot either. Move on and move forward. Become better. And all the other cliches.

Give Someone A Hug

I think we underestimate the power of affection. We need it, our family needs it, our friends need it, and even sometimes near strangers need it. The power of a hug is amazing.

The other day I had a friend over for dinner. I noticed that she was not quite herself just as I was not quite myself. It seems we had similar dilemmas. We are both moving soon and our partners are not proving the most concerned about the details. This is probably because she and I have made most of the arrangements, done most of the research and have taken the burden of stress on our shoulders merely our of being control freaks and wanting to make sure everything is done and done right. This is not a time to drop the ball on anything. We talked about almost everything except our moves. She spend her days off cuddled up to a book and a bottle or 2 of wine. I spent my last few days off watching TV, thinking of working out and thinking of packing. We were both avoiding the move in someway and releasing the burden, which was obviously not helping our inner-being. After eating and some venting, then some cleaning up, she started to walk out of the kitchen. I stopped her, brought her back and gave her a nice big hug. I think it was more therapeutic for me than it was for her, but I am sure it helped each of us the same. The loneliness left, the mood changed, and, I am sure the chocolate raspberry martinis helped, but we were more in sync than we had been all night. We finished up by a quick decision to play (and ultimately not win at) BINGO.

What is my point to this rambling? Pay attention to each others needs! Recognize when someone needs something! Give a hug freely and often; it can do you a bit of good too! (Make it a real nice big bear hug...squeeze and hold. Throw your head into the shoulder! Make the most of it. It is cheap caring therapy!)

Hurt, Hear-say, and A Dinner Party

The saying "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" was stolen from my rules for a dinner party. When I have friends over to my house, I expect that any conversation, happenings, ventings, embarrassings, etc. stay at the house party. There are things always said in the company of friends, new or old, that just don' t need to be repeated outside. Repeat them to your spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend, but no one else needs to know especially if it will turn into malicious gossip and hear-say. Somehow if/when this happens, I feel somewhat responsible for the problem. I know I should not, but I am the one with the ecclectic circle of friends who brings them all together, most of them only knowing of each others existance at my home. I thought I was an adult. I thought my friends were adults. I hope we all are adults still. I didn't like Jr. High the first time and I don't want to experience it again.

The rule is officially posted and no longer implied! Come and enjoy our hospitality with no reservations.