So I woke up this morning and it seemed good. I had a dream that David Beckham was my boyfriend and some bitch at work told me that no one there liked me. I vacuumed the floor and cleaned up the kitchen. Walter left for work and I reminded him to tell his dad happy Father's Day from me. I contemplated what to do and suddenly wanted to do nothing.
I sat around pretty gloomy all day long, not knowing why, and not really caring. I figured it was because I had to work a late shift. I got to work and was talking to a friend there and she brought up she was having a bad day because it was Father's Day. She was estranged from her dad like me (totally different reasons) and she was sick of people asking if she called him or went to visit him. Was this my problem? Is THAT what was getting me down?
As I contemplated that, I thought how a proper "Father's Day" should be. Dad being appreciated. But why would I appreciate my dad? He is an asshole. He is someone I do not even respect or even talk to. Why was I feeling bad over this holiday to celebrate how great dads are. Am I the only one that does not want to celebrate and it effecting me negatively? Why do we celebrate this patriarchy? You know some ego headed "dad" made it up to make sure everyone showed appreciation to his testosterone ridden self. Others fell inline so that they would feel mighty too! What about us who don't have nor want kids? What about the childless women on Mother's Day too? Why do we have to feel bad because of a holiday?
I say to all those who are like me and felt bad today....FUCK FATHER'S DAY! FUCK FEELING BAD because we did not get the best person to fill that roll. Bless those who got a good one or those who have kids who they love and bless them that they will be good fathers! But FUCK if I am going to feel bad because my dad is an asshole, bigot, verbally abusive fucker! (Can you see the rage?) I am taking the power back and I say NO MORE! I will feel bad and like I did not get the best dad NO MORE!
Happy Father's Day to those who ARE fathers, NOT to those who shot some sperm one night and have not cared a bit since!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My Friends...My New Goal
I swear that I have the best bunch of friends ever. They are there to listen to me when I have troubles, there to bounce ideas off, and there to build me up whether they realize it or not.
Lately I have felt that I do not share my appreciation of them as often as I should. I have turned into not the best telephone talker so have stopped calling as much. I don't email much either. I guess, for a communication major in college, I am just not a good communicator lately. I am frankly too lazy to send them card (or the fact that I don't think about it until times like now where I think I will just do it in the morning and never remember to), I don't text them as often as I should, and well, I already touched on the telephone calls. I do have a new goal though. I try to tell them every time I get off the phone with them after a conversation to let them know I miss them or love them, because I truly do.
For those who know me well, you will know that I do not use the "love" word often (except with Walter on a daily basis). I do not even tell certain family members that I love them because I honestly don't and it can be really rude to end the ever so brief and rare conversations with them with as "well hey, I put up with you because we share DNA. Have a good one!" For me to use "love" toward someone I really have to feel that way. There are friends of mine who we have a lot of history together. I love them. There are friends who we hang out and do things together. I like them a lot, but still building on the loving them. There are friends I don't see often or talk to regularly, but still, I like them a lot and some I really love. I do let them know. It is my new goal to let them know.
I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends. You know who you are when you read this. I said "I love you" to this person and I heard (or didn't hear) an pause of unexpecting and then a reply of "I love you too." I sure hope people don't tell me that because I say it first. I say it because I do and I do appreciate them!
Please readers, if you don't already... stop assuming people know their worth to you. Let them know. Speak up. Share. It will make their day. I know it makes mine.
Lately I have felt that I do not share my appreciation of them as often as I should. I have turned into not the best telephone talker so have stopped calling as much. I don't email much either. I guess, for a communication major in college, I am just not a good communicator lately. I am frankly too lazy to send them card (or the fact that I don't think about it until times like now where I think I will just do it in the morning and never remember to), I don't text them as often as I should, and well, I already touched on the telephone calls. I do have a new goal though. I try to tell them every time I get off the phone with them after a conversation to let them know I miss them or love them, because I truly do.
For those who know me well, you will know that I do not use the "love" word often (except with Walter on a daily basis). I do not even tell certain family members that I love them because I honestly don't and it can be really rude to end the ever so brief and rare conversations with them with as "well hey, I put up with you because we share DNA. Have a good one!" For me to use "love" toward someone I really have to feel that way. There are friends of mine who we have a lot of history together. I love them. There are friends who we hang out and do things together. I like them a lot, but still building on the loving them. There are friends I don't see often or talk to regularly, but still, I like them a lot and some I really love. I do let them know. It is my new goal to let them know.
I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends. You know who you are when you read this. I said "I love you" to this person and I heard (or didn't hear) an pause of unexpecting and then a reply of "I love you too." I sure hope people don't tell me that because I say it first. I say it because I do and I do appreciate them!
Please readers, if you don't already... stop assuming people know their worth to you. Let them know. Speak up. Share. It will make their day. I know it makes mine.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I am turning into an Austinite!
The change was fast and somewhat surprising, but I think I have about 60%-70% changed into one. I should have figured it when I started growing a beard, or when I bought my first reusable bag from Whole Foods. Heck, it probably started when first moved here and attended the farmers market on a weekly basis. Maybe the change escalated when I started working at Whole Foods. Who really knows, but here I am, an almost fully changed West Coast guy into an Austinite!
I did not really think about it until the other day when I was at the grocery store and picking out fruit and vegetables.
I figured I had plastic bags I had been reusing from the veggies bought over the past few weeks so did not put the stuff I was currently purchasing into new ones. I did not want to use more plastic than necessary. WTF! Did I actually just think that! Yup people. I really did. I am even keeping the plastic forks I use for my lunches at work and wash them to reuse! On top of that, I am making sure that I am recycling at home (even got on Walter for not throwing the junk mail into the recycle bin but into the trash instead).
I have not however started composting. I have not cut off a pair of jeans to wear in public. I have not bought a hybrid car. I do not bike to work either. So as you can see, I have not fully transformed yet.
I do find myself having tattoo envy really bad (since everyone has them here and very visible). I do feel the need to be more 'green' in a lot of my choices. I do have a beard (which Walter is not very fond of, but I am kind of liking it). The transformation has begun and been rapid in its advancement. I cannot say I mind it. I actually kind of like it. Better Earth, better me, better life!
I did not really think about it until the other day when I was at the grocery store and picking out fruit and vegetables.
I figured I had plastic bags I had been reusing from the veggies bought over the past few weeks so did not put the stuff I was currently purchasing into new ones. I did not want to use more plastic than necessary. I have not however started composting. I have not cut off a pair of jeans to wear in public. I have not bought a hybrid car. I do not bike to work either. So as you can see, I have not fully transformed yet.
I do find myself having tattoo envy really bad (since everyone has them here and very visible). I do feel the need to be more 'green' in a lot of my choices. I do have a beard (which Walter is not very fond of, but I am kind of liking it). The transformation has begun and been rapid in its advancement. I cannot say I mind it. I actually kind of like it. Better Earth, better me, better life!
Monday, June 1, 2009
By Request of Carly
As I was leaving work last night I figured I would pick up a few things to make for dinner. In my basket landed some way super awesome bacon-mushroom-cheese pork sausages, a delicious Italian cream cake slice, a half loaf of brioche bread for french toast this morning, some olives and a few slices of bacon.
After checking out I was caught by Carly, the nutritionist at work. She was with a client and wanted to congratulate me (and I am sure slightly inspire her client) about my success and see that I was still following the plan she had set for me. I told her I was doing great on it, but admitted that I had the bread and cake in my bag. I told her I was making the french toast in the morning since I would not be seeing Walter for a few
days and we were going to spend the time before I went to work together and I wanted to make a nice breakfast for us. She agreed that it was ok as long as I was making it one of my "free meals" of the week. I was planning that and I informed that I only bought half a loaf as to not use the rest or be tempted to. She made me promise to post my breakfast picture to my blog so she could see it. So here it is. I wish it were more colorful but I plated it on white plates and you can only do so much. HERE'S FOR YOU CARLY!!
After checking out I was caught by Carly, the nutritionist at work. She was with a client and wanted to congratulate me (and I am sure slightly inspire her client) about my success and see that I was still following the plan she had set for me. I told her I was doing great on it, but admitted that I had the bread and cake in my bag. I told her I was making the french toast in the morning since I would not be seeing Walter for a few
days and we were going to spend the time before I went to work together and I wanted to make a nice breakfast for us. She agreed that it was ok as long as I was making it one of my "free meals" of the week. I was planning that and I informed that I only bought half a loaf as to not use the rest or be tempted to. She made me promise to post my breakfast picture to my blog so she could see it. So here it is. I wish it were more colorful but I plated it on white plates and you can only do so much. HERE'S FOR YOU CARLY!!
A Beard in Protest
Today is officially 5 months of living in Austin. To date, I have applied for over 90 jobs AND have not been invited to one interview. In protest I am growing a beard.
Some of you are thinking, "Hey, aren't you working at Whole Foods? Didn't you interview for that?" Yes I did, and it was only by my dear friends who already work there pulling so many strings and talking with so many people that that happened and it was not for a job that I actually applied for. Thank the gods that I do have it, and honestly, it is fun and I work with a lot of awesome and talented people. MY POINT however, is that I have not gotten an interview due to any of my diligent and laborious resume sending, application filling out etc. I even had the VP of Marketing at TMA rewrite my resume to make it AWESOME and still no bites. So, in protest (and since I have never been in a position to grow one, always having to stay "clean cut" for work) I am growing a beard. I am not sure how "trimmed" up it will be, not sure if I will just let it grow to look like a mountain man, hell, I am not even sure if I will shave it off once I do find a job (I am actually getting quite fond of it now). All I know is that I am growing it. Walter is not fond of it by the way, but oh well. What can you do. Here is a pic to show how it looks on week 1 of not shaving.
Some of you are thinking, "Hey, aren't you working at Whole Foods? Didn't you interview for that?" Yes I did, and it was only by my dear friends who already work there pulling so many strings and talking with so many people that that happened and it was not for a job that I actually applied for. Thank the gods that I do have it, and honestly, it is fun and I work with a lot of awesome and talented people. MY POINT however, is that I have not gotten an interview due to any of my diligent and laborious resume sending, application filling out etc. I even had the VP of Marketing at TMA rewrite my resume to make it AWESOME and still no bites. So, in protest (and since I have never been in a position to grow one, always having to stay "clean cut" for work) I am growing a beard. I am not sure how "trimmed" up it will be, not sure if I will just let it grow to look like a mountain man, hell, I am not even sure if I will shave it off once I do find a job (I am actually getting quite fond of it now). All I know is that I am growing it. Walter is not fond of it by the way, but oh well. What can you do. Here is a pic to show how it looks on week 1 of not shaving.
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