I so fell off the eating well wagon. It my have been the trip to Florida to take the dog out there (I did gain 5 pounds in those few days). I may have been stress ( I have been stress eating a lot lately). Maybe it has been a little of everything. But here I am, jumping publicly back on the wagon! I braved Wii Fit today and here were my scores: Weight, 281; BMI, 36.05; Wii Fit Age 23.
In hopes to get back on track I tried to eat less, eat better, and eat in better intervals. I think I succeeded. I guess tomorrow's number will tell!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Living the Dream...well, Plan B
It seemed as if I thought I had it all planned out. 
I figured I would go to school, know what I wanted to do, work through it, graduate, and have fabulous job that paid well. All this by the time I was 25. It seems however that life had different lessons to teach me.
I dropped out of University of Utah after 2 semesters, worked at Discover Card for 2 years, dealt with my parents divorce, and personally dealing with being gay and losing the majority of my "friends", making new friends, moving to Connecticut, which changed 4 days before the move, to Las Vegas. Twelve years after, I am still in Plan B, or maybe it is C or D or E by now. No matter what it is, it is not where I saw myself at age 35. I seriously expected to be in a "career" by now.
Leaving Las Vegas was the first of the best steps to my future. I am less stressed, more directed and not tempted by the $$$ from working in the casino industry. I am getting more and more healthy, feeling more creative, and being more productive than I have been in a very long time. I am the most poor I have been in a very very very long time, but I am happy, and isn't that what matters? I think it is. Definitely a step in the right direction. Next step, finding the perfect job that will bring me closer to a career.
What do I want in a job? Well, here is what I do want:
~ To work in a casual dress environment
~ I want to be able to be creative
~ I want my day to day tasks to be different (they can be the same in general, but not every day)
~ I want to be able to have a mohawk again if I want to
~ I want to make the money that I know I am worth
~ I want growth potential and opportunities to gain more knowledge and skills
~ I want a pension
~ I want a balanced environment
While those are most of the things that I want in a job, I will accept any of those and realize that there will be few jobs in the world that will satisfy all of those.
Will finding that job take me from Plan B to the dream? I am not sure, but I am sure going to try and see if it will.
That takes me to the final step...starting a new goal...but that will left for when I get out of Plan B!
I figured I would go to school, know what I wanted to do, work through it, graduate, and have fabulous job that paid well. All this by the time I was 25. It seems however that life had different lessons to teach me.I dropped out of University of Utah after 2 semesters, worked at Discover Card for 2 years, dealt with my parents divorce, and personally dealing with being gay and losing the majority of my "friends", making new friends, moving to Connecticut, which changed 4 days before the move, to Las Vegas. Twelve years after, I am still in Plan B, or maybe it is C or D or E by now. No matter what it is, it is not where I saw myself at age 35. I seriously expected to be in a "career" by now.
Leaving Las Vegas was the first of the best steps to my future. I am less stressed, more directed and not tempted by the $$$ from working in the casino industry. I am getting more and more healthy, feeling more creative, and being more productive than I have been in a very long time. I am the most poor I have been in a very very very long time, but I am happy, and isn't that what matters? I think it is. Definitely a step in the right direction. Next step, finding the perfect job that will bring me closer to a career.
What do I want in a job? Well, here is what I do want:
~ To work in a casual dress environment
~ I want to be able to be creative
~ I want my day to day tasks to be different (they can be the same in general, but not every day)
~ I want to be able to have a mohawk again if I want to
~ I want to make the money that I know I am worth
~ I want growth potential and opportunities to gain more knowledge and skills
~ I want a pension
~ I want a balanced environment
While those are most of the things that I want in a job, I will accept any of those and realize that there will be few jobs in the world that will satisfy all of those.
Will finding that job take me from Plan B to the dream? I am not sure, but I am sure going to try and see if it will.
That takes me to the final step...starting a new goal...but that will left for when I get out of Plan B!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Life Is A Balancing Act
Work, school, studies, TV, exercise, relationships, social interactions, eating, relaxing, traveling. Life can be busy with whatever it is you do. Some people say they don't have time to do it all. Some have so much extra time they don't know what to do with it. I, myself, try to keep all that balanced out. I notice that when I do that I tend to be happier, healthier and less stressed out.
Often we put too many demands on ourselves. By doing this
we over fill our "plate" so to speak. I do it. I try not to, but sometimes it does happen. I also do the opposite and am too lazy to step up to the buffet of life and starve myself. How does one keep the right balance?
Balance is in every part of our lives. Food is a huge part of my life. I love to cook and love to eat. I love to experience new flavors and different foods. Even here there has to be a good balance. I cannot eat too many heavy foods or fried foods or I will get sick. I cannot eat fine dining too much or I will be broke. I cannot eat huge portions or I will become more fat. If I eat too much sugar I need to be ready for the results of that on the scale. I am learning that to keep that balance is easier that I would have thought a little while ago. If I eat sensibly the majority of the time, I can over do it every little bit, I just have to remember to be more strict about what I eat to compensate. If we only learned food balance, we would probably be a healthier country. Eat in moderation (balance) and eat more healthy foods than unhealthy processed foods (balance), but don't deny yourself things you like.
Any good trainer will tell you that after you work out, your muscle group needs rest. I unfortunately rest too much and don't work out the muscle groups enough. I am very out of balance there. I need to do better. I know I need to do better, but somewhere in my mind I am not willing to do better. I would rather relax on my day off (like I am now sitting at the Coffee Bean typing this). The problem with me is that when I am doing it, I love to exercise. I totally get into it. I need to find a way to motivate my ass into doing it! Balance. All about balance.
At work yesterday I woman came through my line and I asked her how her weekend was going. Her response, "Well, these few hours I am getting off to come shopping and make myself dinner are good, but other than that I have been working. I don't have much free time." How sad. Everyone needs time off work. I could tell by her clothing and the exotic and expensive mushrooms she was purchasing that she was paid well for what she does, but at what price to her life. I could tell she was single and working all the time. I want nice things. I want a life where I can afford to do anything I want to do, but I also want time to do it and someone to experience it with. Balance.
Some say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I can roll with that. It does not really have to be a literal distance, but time. Walter and I over the past few weeks have not seen much of each other. His store opening, my erratic work schedule, and just those things that happen in life have caused this. I miss him when I don't see him much. I think it is healthy. I long to spend time with him when we do have time together, even if it is (like right now) just sitting together doing our own things. When we spend too much time together, I like it, but often need that "me time". Again, balance in relationships with others. Nice to have them around, but nice to be alone sometimes too. To keep this balance and not resent the other these times are needed. It also works with friends, family members and other people you associate with regularly. It stunts resentments but enforces stronger appreciations for the other.
Balance can be found in every aspect of our lives. It takes balance to walk, to sit, to even be awake. We just need to pay attention to those things in our lives and assess if they are in balance and be willing to make the adjustments. I am working at being willing to work out and exercise more. I am more than willing to eat healthier and snack on sugary sweets less. I am willing to be alone, but spend any possible time with my partner. I am often willing to spend free time with friends as well. I am still making the proper adjustments and some are harder than other, but I would say my balance is getting better. I am no longer falling over! Just wobbling a little here and there.
Peace.
Often we put too many demands on ourselves. By doing this
we over fill our "plate" so to speak. I do it. I try not to, but sometimes it does happen. I also do the opposite and am too lazy to step up to the buffet of life and starve myself. How does one keep the right balance?Balance is in every part of our lives. Food is a huge part of my life. I love to cook and love to eat. I love to experience new flavors and different foods. Even here there has to be a good balance. I cannot eat too many heavy foods or fried foods or I will get sick. I cannot eat fine dining too much or I will be broke. I cannot eat huge portions or I will become more fat. If I eat too much sugar I need to be ready for the results of that on the scale. I am learning that to keep that balance is easier that I would have thought a little while ago. If I eat sensibly the majority of the time, I can over do it every little bit, I just have to remember to be more strict about what I eat to compensate. If we only learned food balance, we would probably be a healthier country. Eat in moderation (balance) and eat more healthy foods than unhealthy processed foods (balance), but don't deny yourself things you like.
Any good trainer will tell you that after you work out, your muscle group needs rest. I unfortunately rest too much and don't work out the muscle groups enough. I am very out of balance there. I need to do better. I know I need to do better, but somewhere in my mind I am not willing to do better. I would rather relax on my day off (like I am now sitting at the Coffee Bean typing this). The problem with me is that when I am doing it, I love to exercise. I totally get into it. I need to find a way to motivate my ass into doing it! Balance. All about balance.
At work yesterday I woman came through my line and I asked her how her weekend was going. Her response, "Well, these few hours I am getting off to come shopping and make myself dinner are good, but other than that I have been working. I don't have much free time." How sad. Everyone needs time off work. I could tell by her clothing and the exotic and expensive mushrooms she was purchasing that she was paid well for what she does, but at what price to her life. I could tell she was single and working all the time. I want nice things. I want a life where I can afford to do anything I want to do, but I also want time to do it and someone to experience it with. Balance.
Some say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I can roll with that. It does not really have to be a literal distance, but time. Walter and I over the past few weeks have not seen much of each other. His store opening, my erratic work schedule, and just those things that happen in life have caused this. I miss him when I don't see him much. I think it is healthy. I long to spend time with him when we do have time together, even if it is (like right now) just sitting together doing our own things. When we spend too much time together, I like it, but often need that "me time". Again, balance in relationships with others. Nice to have them around, but nice to be alone sometimes too. To keep this balance and not resent the other these times are needed. It also works with friends, family members and other people you associate with regularly. It stunts resentments but enforces stronger appreciations for the other.
Balance can be found in every aspect of our lives. It takes balance to walk, to sit, to even be awake. We just need to pay attention to those things in our lives and assess if they are in balance and be willing to make the adjustments. I am working at being willing to work out and exercise more. I am more than willing to eat healthier and snack on sugary sweets less. I am willing to be alone, but spend any possible time with my partner. I am often willing to spend free time with friends as well. I am still making the proper adjustments and some are harder than other, but I would say my balance is getting better. I am no longer falling over! Just wobbling a little here and there.
Peace.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
It is only human nature to want to be right....right?
So many issues have come up nationally, and personally where people I know have been "bashed" because of their beliefs. Need we mention the company I work for? (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204251404574342170072865070.html) response at (http://www2.wholefoodsmarket.com/blogs/jmackey/) . How about the Presidential Address to school kids ? What about the Oct 11th march on Washington for Gay Marriage Rights?
I was having a discussion with my friend about some of these things and we were mulling over the cause for all the craziness. I came up with the solution...People are innately opposed to being or feeling wrong. No matter what someones belief system entails, when someone else' has an opposing view or belief, people feel threatened. The do not want to feel wrong because they may believe so strongly in their foundation. If their foundation is questioned or proved to be wrong, people may feel like the world is crashing down and everything they believe in is wrong. I think that is the problem.
I wish everyone were more like me. I like to allow people to believe in what works for them. If it works for you, then awesome. If it is not working for you, then figure something out that will work for you. I love conversations with friends who have different views than I do. We can be in the healthy debate about issues, beliefs, views, etc. and respect the way each other thinks. I like this system because I still like them in the end. I often learn new things from them and can add or subtract from my own belief system. It also can give me something to intelligently think about. Those who know me know I question almost everything. I don't do it to stir the pot or cause problems, but to form my own opinions and views. Most of my college professors loved that. The majority of my high school teachers HATED when I did that. By being that way though, I feel like I am my own person, not a reproduction of others. I admit, I love to be right and try to prove my point, but as I get older and learn more about others, I am more accepting of their views and opinions, but more so if they can respect mine.
I love the phrase "we agree to disagree". That is so powerful when you think about it in this scenario. If we call can just agree that we will not think the same we could solve a lot of the world problems. I am not perfect at that by any means, but I am getting there. I learned that there are some people that you just cannot talk to openly and others that you just don't talk about some subjects. I've also realized that you should not stand by and keep your mouth shut when ignorance is spewing out from someones mouth. Maybe, just in an off chance, your speaking up can shed some light on others, not to think the same way, but to accept others way's of thinking.
I appreciate that I have friends that stand up for their views. I have straight friends marching on Washington to give support to equality. I have others going against the teachings of their religion on the same subject. I have some that became educated about the President's speech and actually watched it. I have customers, even still, asking me about the WSJ editorial piece, and what the big deal is and offering to read it and be more educated rather than listen to friends saying to just boycott Whole Foods. It gives me hope that there are still people out there that are open and intelligent enough to learn and form opinions for themselves. We should stop focusing on our need to be right, but make it a need to be happy with our beliefs and accepting of others, because what is good for me may not work as well for you...and I accept that, and love you anyway.
I was having a discussion with my friend about some of these things and we were mulling over the cause for all the craziness. I came up with the solution...People are innately opposed to being or feeling wrong. No matter what someones belief system entails, when someone else' has an opposing view or belief, people feel threatened. The do not want to feel wrong because they may believe so strongly in their foundation. If their foundation is questioned or proved to be wrong, people may feel like the world is crashing down and everything they believe in is wrong. I think that is the problem.
I wish everyone were more like me. I like to allow people to believe in what works for them. If it works for you, then awesome. If it is not working for you, then figure something out that will work for you. I love conversations with friends who have different views than I do. We can be in the healthy debate about issues, beliefs, views, etc. and respect the way each other thinks. I like this system because I still like them in the end. I often learn new things from them and can add or subtract from my own belief system. It also can give me something to intelligently think about. Those who know me know I question almost everything. I don't do it to stir the pot or cause problems, but to form my own opinions and views. Most of my college professors loved that. The majority of my high school teachers HATED when I did that. By being that way though, I feel like I am my own person, not a reproduction of others. I admit, I love to be right and try to prove my point, but as I get older and learn more about others, I am more accepting of their views and opinions, but more so if they can respect mine.
I love the phrase "we agree to disagree". That is so powerful when you think about it in this scenario. If we call can just agree that we will not think the same we could solve a lot of the world problems. I am not perfect at that by any means, but I am getting there. I learned that there are some people that you just cannot talk to openly and others that you just don't talk about some subjects. I've also realized that you should not stand by and keep your mouth shut when ignorance is spewing out from someones mouth. Maybe, just in an off chance, your speaking up can shed some light on others, not to think the same way, but to accept others way's of thinking.
I appreciate that I have friends that stand up for their views. I have straight friends marching on Washington to give support to equality. I have others going against the teachings of their religion on the same subject. I have some that became educated about the President's speech and actually watched it. I have customers, even still, asking me about the WSJ editorial piece, and what the big deal is and offering to read it and be more educated rather than listen to friends saying to just boycott Whole Foods. It gives me hope that there are still people out there that are open and intelligent enough to learn and form opinions for themselves. We should stop focusing on our need to be right, but make it a need to be happy with our beliefs and accepting of others, because what is good for me may not work as well for you...and I accept that, and love you anyway.
Scared of Success? or Scared of Humility?
I was sitting yesterday having a review with one of my bosses. She straight out told me that she and the other management team could see that I was much more talented than my job as a cashier. She understood that I was looking for another job and would miss me, but felt that I was not utilizing my talents in my current position.
I really appreciated that. While I do like my job at Whole Foods, and fully appreciate it, it is not me. It is not something I can see myself doing for a long period of time. It is, as she called it, "a stepping stone job"...something to get me by until I found the next best thing.
I views of the next best thing have certainly changed in the past 9 months that I have lived in Austin. I moved here thinking that I was so awesome and that I would find a job easily. I could not. Part of that was due to the economy, part due to my resume. The unfortunate part of my resume is that I have a little experience in a lot of things. I was able to prove my talents when temping at Texas Medical Association. They could see what a catch I was, but I guarantee that they would not have even looked at me based on my resume I had at the time. When I could not get the job with then due to the agency fee they were not willing to pay, I was crushed. Fortunately the VP of Marketing there had the faith in me and my abilities and offered to help me with my resume. While her help gave me an awesome looking resume that showcased my talents better, it still was showing me at "entry-level", something you do not want to be labeled as at age 35. After my separation there, I was encouraged to apply for things there after my agency contract was over (currently will end on November 2nd). I did continue to apply for various positions knowing I would not get them because of the agency fee, but to keep my name in there system and in the minds of the HR department. I still send the occasional email to members of the TMA team with a nice response.
I was thrilled to hear that at Whole Foods Global Offices that the hiring freeze was lifted. I started to looking for jobs immediately. I was sad to find that there was nothing that I was capable of doing or that I had enough experience to do. I still keep searching.
Over the past few months I have been applying for random jobs, even blindly sending my resume to many marketing and advertising firms in hopes they might have something. I received a few responses, mostly saying they had no "entry-level" positions available at the time. There it was again. That label! I finally had to humble myself and realize that I really was entry level. I had to change my search strategy. I had to actually start looking for entry-level. Hell, even at entry level in most places the pay was more than what I was making at WF and the hours would be consistent making that all add up to extra money.
Looking at it now, I was not applying for some jobs thinking I was not qualified for them or that I would not be able to perform. I was not sure what certain positions were so did not apply. I could not figure out exactly what I would be doing with others so never submitted my resume. What I am learning is that job descriptions are not always what they appear to be. They often times are more complicated and complex than the actual job. I have talked to people in some of the positions that I was avoiding, and realized that they really don't do much and their job is not hard, but in the descriptions it was the most complicated thing I have seen. So what is stopping me now from applying? I don't know. Part of me is holding out for a job upstairs at WFM. The other part of me is holding out for a job at TMA. A small part of me is hoping to acquire a job at UT. I figure what comes, comes. I am still up in the air with this one. Part of me wonders if I am holding out for something I want, or if I am afraid to try something new due to fear of succeeding at it. I am not sure where I stand. All I really know is that I have been humbled a hundred times over and am now ready for what is in store. While I realize life is not to be just experienced, but participated in, I also know that life is wonderful when it just happens (with the occasional push from me). I guess we will see. Maybe it is not fear on my part, just stupidity...
I really appreciated that. While I do like my job at Whole Foods, and fully appreciate it, it is not me. It is not something I can see myself doing for a long period of time. It is, as she called it, "a stepping stone job"...something to get me by until I found the next best thing.
I views of the next best thing have certainly changed in the past 9 months that I have lived in Austin. I moved here thinking that I was so awesome and that I would find a job easily. I could not. Part of that was due to the economy, part due to my resume. The unfortunate part of my resume is that I have a little experience in a lot of things. I was able to prove my talents when temping at Texas Medical Association. They could see what a catch I was, but I guarantee that they would not have even looked at me based on my resume I had at the time. When I could not get the job with then due to the agency fee they were not willing to pay, I was crushed. Fortunately the VP of Marketing there had the faith in me and my abilities and offered to help me with my resume. While her help gave me an awesome looking resume that showcased my talents better, it still was showing me at "entry-level", something you do not want to be labeled as at age 35. After my separation there, I was encouraged to apply for things there after my agency contract was over (currently will end on November 2nd). I did continue to apply for various positions knowing I would not get them because of the agency fee, but to keep my name in there system and in the minds of the HR department. I still send the occasional email to members of the TMA team with a nice response.
I was thrilled to hear that at Whole Foods Global Offices that the hiring freeze was lifted. I started to looking for jobs immediately. I was sad to find that there was nothing that I was capable of doing or that I had enough experience to do. I still keep searching.
Over the past few months I have been applying for random jobs, even blindly sending my resume to many marketing and advertising firms in hopes they might have something. I received a few responses, mostly saying they had no "entry-level" positions available at the time. There it was again. That label! I finally had to humble myself and realize that I really was entry level. I had to change my search strategy. I had to actually start looking for entry-level. Hell, even at entry level in most places the pay was more than what I was making at WF and the hours would be consistent making that all add up to extra money.
Looking at it now, I was not applying for some jobs thinking I was not qualified for them or that I would not be able to perform. I was not sure what certain positions were so did not apply. I could not figure out exactly what I would be doing with others so never submitted my resume. What I am learning is that job descriptions are not always what they appear to be. They often times are more complicated and complex than the actual job. I have talked to people in some of the positions that I was avoiding, and realized that they really don't do much and their job is not hard, but in the descriptions it was the most complicated thing I have seen. So what is stopping me now from applying? I don't know. Part of me is holding out for a job upstairs at WFM. The other part of me is holding out for a job at TMA. A small part of me is hoping to acquire a job at UT. I figure what comes, comes. I am still up in the air with this one. Part of me wonders if I am holding out for something I want, or if I am afraid to try something new due to fear of succeeding at it. I am not sure where I stand. All I really know is that I have been humbled a hundred times over and am now ready for what is in store. While I realize life is not to be just experienced, but participated in, I also know that life is wonderful when it just happens (with the occasional push from me). I guess we will see. Maybe it is not fear on my part, just stupidity...
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