My gay wedding virginity was originally going to be broken by officiating my best friends wedding last Saturday, but with the changes in the Federal Government and IRS guidelines, my partner and I decided to elope while in California. We had discussed it for years and decided once it was Federally recognized, we would do it. So we did. It was highly encouraged by my friend, so we decided to do it enough in advance that it didn't come near to his nuptials. We flew into San Diego on Tuesday, and by that afternoon we had our wedding license. Wednesday, after our friend were off work, a couple family members who wanted to drive in to attend, and my other best friend from Salt Lake City flew in, we wed on a beach in La Jolla. It was small, only 9 of us total. It was perfect though. More than I imagined, and admittedly, I didn't imagine much.
When a gay boy grows up, in my generation and before, you don't have dreams of getting married. You have worries of "what happens if one of us dies and the other's parents/family comes to take everything?" "What will happen if he goes into the hospital and his family, who does not agree with him being gay, decided to have my blocked from visiting him?" Some have a faux security that they had a "commitment ceremony", something I have never agreed with. That does not stop family from coming in and taking over, because you, technically, are not your partner's family. After all the years Walter and I have been together, if you don't know we are committed, then you're a fucking idiot. I don't need a ceremony for that. But a wedding, the untouchable has been granted. It's so new. The thoughts of one day the possibility of getting married are now a reality. We finally have the same rights as everyone else, and no matter what the State says, the Feds now say we are the same. Equal.
We knew this was something that would not really change how we have lived for the last 13 years, and I don't think it changed my feelings toward him, but it did change something. Something more than the legalities and the rights we gained. I can't tell if it is an emotion, a feeling, a bond, but something is slightly different.
It freaked our parents out, but I don't care. It is not about them, but about us. They can live their lives how they want to, and we live ours how we chose. I still have not told all of my family. I am sure some found out on Facebook and the others will found out through converstation. I did find it interesting how the majority my Mormon friends from high school didn't post any congratulatory comments towards us or even "liked" anything (given, a few did). I guess I forget how for some, the outpouring of love and support have to fall within certain dogmatic guidelines. And that is ok. That is why I don't go to church, so I don't have someone telling me what to believe about things and how to hate under the guise of love. I respect those who believe what is in their heart, their humanity, what goes against their preacher, but still keep their belief in whatever god they believe in.
There will be one wonderful day in the future where it is not going to be called a same sex wedding, but just a wedding. It stopped with "bi-racial weddings" so I have faith it will end with "same sex weddings" as well.Now comes the challenge of remembering to call him my "husband" rather than "partner".
No comments:
Post a Comment