A coworker and I have been chatting a lot about a lot of things. She talks about her daughter a lot and is so proud of her. The other day she walked into work and had a very distressed look on her face. I greeted her with a "good morning" followed by a "how's it going?". She stopped, pondered her answer, and said "My daughter thinks she is supposed to be a boy. We had a long talk about it last night."
So a quick backstory on this, her daughter has thought this since the first grade, so this was not anything new. From the 1st to the 4th grade they would buy her clothes in the boys department, cut her hair short, and allow her to live how she felt she was. WONDERFUL PARENTING in my opinion; letting the child live the life they think they are, only guiding the child to make good decisions, but letting the child keep her individuality. She is now 12.
So when my coworker told me, I felt for this child and her mom. I scooted my chair over so we could talk. The next words that came out of her mouth with some light tears was, "I don't care, I just ache over the pain and confusion that she is going through."
We talked for a good amount of time about finding some support groups. Finding some sort of group to help her daughter see and talk with other transgendered persons. Her daughter still is not 100% that she is a boy, but strongly feels she is. I told her the best part is that she has a supportive mother and father to help her through it all. I reminded her that I don't feel the way her daughter does, so it confuses me just as it confuses her, similarly that I am gay and one who is not cannot understand completely how I feel the way I feel about my sexuality. Her daughter still likes boys, but does not rule girls out either. I joked that she might be a gay man trapped in a woman's body! We giggled and realized that might be fully true! She made me smile the next day when she said "my daughte...err, kid" to adjust her own vernacular on referring to her daughter.
This has caused me to think a lot over the past few days about how healthy it is to accept, even when you don't understand and will never comprehend. This can apply to so many things we experience in life. Not accepting people for silly things that don't matter is damaging. Parents are the worst offenders and psychologically damage us all the time. If it is the little boy in pre-school wanting to wear a dress at playtime and being shamed for it by ANY adult (teacher or parent) or in my case, being gay and tired of living the lie. It still hurts when those close to you or who you look up to are unaccepting of who you are. The reaction that you have, be it yanking the boy to the back and pulling the dress off him yelling at him how only girls wear dresses, or having such an issue that I am gay the you stop talking to me completely is a bad one. The damage still occurs.
It is really not hard to just accept someone for who they are. People complicate it more than it should be. They bring outside influences in when it should just be a natural human response of "ok, that is how you are, and this is how I am, and we are all different, and while I don't understand that aspect of you, I still think you are wonderful and love you". It is really that simple. I know it is easier said than done. So many things brainwash our minds into what to believe; religion, community, culture, media, etcetera. It is time we took our humanity back and listen to our pure hearts. Strip all the crap off. Be like children who don't know and don't care that something is socially demonized or stigmatized. Let's just start caring in the right, supportive, loving way. The human way.
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