My Feelings Post Tattoo

So there was something sort of therapeutic about getting this tattoo. I don't feel like a different person, but I do feel different. I feel like I am finally expressing myself and not caring what others will think.

I think that a lot of what held me back from getting a tattoo was the thought of what my mom would say. I know that sounds lame, but that thought is there with so many things. Part of my now does not care. She sees me once or twice a year. It is something she does not agree with, but she doesn't agree with a lot of things in my life: living so far away from her, being gay, not going to church, my facial hair, my haircut, etc. So why do I care about this?

Another thing plaguing me was the permanence of the tattoo. Once its there, it don't go away unless you wanna go through some major pain. That was pretty long term for me. I realized however, that if I liked it, I would never get tired of it.

So back to my feelings post getting it. I feel somehow more confident. I feel a bit more sexy and attractive. I feel a bit more out of the box. Creative. Daring. Rebellious. I feel a little more...me. It is as if the inside me, is now starting to show on the outside. Sure, it started with the Mohawk...but that comes and goes with my mood. This is part of me now. Probably the most expensive piece of art I will ever buy (and the easiest to move). I am excited. I embrace it. I feel like a new chapter has begun!

My New Tattoo

Around fifteen years ago, my friend Derek and I decided we wanted to get some tattoos. We headed to the parlor and picked out the most awesome tribal bands! We were so excited. The excitement ended with the realization we did not have enough cash to pay for these tattoos. We never went back. Thank god we did not since we all know how over done and 90's the tribal bands are/were.

Since then there has been a desire in the back of my mind that I wanted to get one. I didn't know what but would occasionally see others and envy them. I remember the cute Asian blackjack player who frequented my casino and had the coolest Japanese ocean scene on his arm. When I asked him to see the rest, he pulled up his shirt to this beautiful scene. I figured, wow, he took something beautiful from his culture and made it art on his body. What I realize now is that he probably had no cultural connection to it, but liked it, so got it. That has been my problem with deciding on a tattoo to get. I thought it had to have some meaning to me. I decided on a space scape from a picture from the Hubble Telescope. I though, "Hey, I have always been enamored with space since childhood, this will surely  mean something to me!" Then I could not commit to it. I have obvious commitment issues. It is a wonder Walter and I have been together almost 12 years! I knew I wanted one and could not commit to one. I thought the Doctor Who Tardis, a Stormtrooper, Thundercats symbol, were all worthy to be on me. Things I love, show my geekiness, and I don't think I would ever hate or get sick of. What if I had an artist combine them all? Still, the thought, with no commitment. I kept seeing the Japanese style peonies; bright vibrant colors, pinks and oranges, with black clouded backgrounds. They were stunning. I wanted one, but it had no meaning to me other than I thought they were beautiful. Then it hit me..."If I am going to have to look at something the rest of my life, it needs to be beautiful, not meaningful. It is traveling art; something I love to look at all the time. That is the meaning of it. Beauty."

It was Walter's decision, actually, to go get a tattoo on his birthday. Our friend Anthony recommended his tattoo artist. He had recently got one. We noted the name of the parlor and kept it in the back of our minds, Walter more so than I. It was Walter, wanting to get his birthday tattoo and the speedy coming of this birthday that caused him one day to search out an artist. He loved the artist's enthusiasm to come up with the design for him. I didn't meet Cameron until we brought him some cash to start the drawing. When I was looking over his art wall in the shop, I saw he did a lot of the types of work that I wanted. It was then I asked him if he could do it. His excitement went out the roof. Apparently, it was his specialty and he hadn't done it in a very long time. He was so excited to do it.

I figured, go big or don't do it at all, so I decided on a half sleeve. People think I am crazy, but that is what I was finding beautiful and I wanted it. Not some half assed small thing that was, in my eyes, lame. I put my desires into words and Cameron put them onto paper. It was 10 days from the time I told him til the time I saw the design. That was 5 days ago. I got it yesterday.

Right now it is only the outline. In 2 weeks I will get some color, then finish it maybe 2 weeks after that with all the shading.