Blunt Sexuality Talk - read at your own risk

I named this blog that because I don't want anyone complaining about what is appropriate and what is not to talk about ON MY OWN BLOG. So here is another warning, don't want to hear about sex or sexuality, close your browser now. This is your last warning.

So last night Walter and I went to Bearaccuda. It is a "Bear" circuit party. We were not sure what to expect, not sure how to dress, what we would see, etc. It was quite the experience. That's not really what I want to talk about, but it does have bearing on what I am going to talk about.

So here we are, at a party with hot men, a lot shirtless, including ourselves (it was really fucking hot and my shirt unbuttoned one button at a time the hotter I got and Walter's came fully off once it was so wet it was sticking to him. He said it was really liberating since he has never taken his shirt off at a club before...baby steps). Anyhow, I was having a great time, but very somber. It was not a problem. I can have fun when in a somber mood. I did however get to thinking how I was surrounded by hot men and, let's just say, my naughty parts were not tingling. I am wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Now, if you read this far, good, but what I am about to say now might be against many peoples value system, so again, stop reading or if you read on, don't judge...open, blunt sexuality talk here.

(EDITED OUT SO SOME PEOPLE DONT FREAK OUT BECAUSE THEY COULD NOT HANDLE READING THIS AND WOULD NOT STOP). So as I am dancing and looking around, I am hoping that this does not happen. Seriously! ME! HOPING THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN? Who does that?! It was then I knew something was wrong with me!

I know what is wrong with me. Well, at least I think I know what is wrong with me. The correlation is easy. It makes total sense. As I started gaining weight and becoming less fit, my sex drive went down. So to spell it out: weight up, sex down. Not something I want to admit, but here it is. I am fat and not horny. Wow...there it is in black and white now. Fully admitted. Fully out there. Fully embarrassing. To bring it further, I am sure my lack of fitness is also contributing to my lack of energy, lack of motivation...the list can just keep going on. I don't mean to blame all my problems on my weight/fitness level, but it makes sense. I would blame it on age, and that could be part of it, but that I cannot change. My weight I can.

I was listening to Jillian Michael's Podcast. It is actually pretty good and has many good things to say. There was a person who called in and was talking to her and she asked them, "Why do you want to be fit/thin/healthy?" They gave the skimmed off the top answers. She did not accept them and asked again and again until they gave her the deep real answer that cut to the core. She then asked them why do they deserve to be fit/thin/healthy. You'd think it would be an easy answer. It is not. I have thought about it for week. I can't even tell you why I do deserve it, but I am going to try.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Here we go.

I deserve it because:

• I am fucking awesome. I deserve to feel awesome about my self every day.
• I deserve to feel like I look awesome in the clothes I wear.
• I deserve to feel great when I am naked.
• I deserve to be horny!
• I deserve to have excellent sexual interactions without the use of a pill.
• I deserve to be healthy inside and out. My skin should look healthy. My insides should be relaxed and "flowing" properly.
• I deserve to be comfortable in my own skin and rather than accept being overweight and out of breath, take control of it and say FUCK YOU to it! I don't let toxic people stay in my life, why should I let a toxic lifestyle.
• I deserve to be happy. Not that I am unhappy, but I am not ecstatic about life all the time. I deserve to be ecstatic about life.
• I deserve to live as long as I can.
• I deserve to spend the best of me with Walter. I don't want him to miss out on things because I can't do it.
• I deserve it because it is my life and why not want the best one!

There it is. I deserve it. I know I am still attractive. I know Walter loves me and it attracted to me, but when I am not attracted to myself, it is hard to hear the compliments of Walter and take them seriously. I know he is genuine, but my insecurities jump in there and blow the compliments off. This is a time for it to begin.

Me and the Coffee Shop

So it has been quite some time since I hit a coffee shop with my laptop. I don't know why I have not taken the time. Maybe it was the unhooking of the laptop from all the stuff on my desk. It could be that I am quite comfortable at home. It might be that I spend so many hours everyday on a computer that last thing I want to do in my free time is spend it on a computer. Whatever it is, it needs to change.

Here I sit at Dominican Joe's sipping on a bottomless cup of coffee, blogging. I am thoroughly enjoying it. No distractions of home. At home, while there is not many things that need to be done, I get distracted. The office is cool and lonely, quiet and boring. There is something about being in a coffee shop that start my juices flowing. I want to write. I want to be creative. I want to do more that just mindlessly surf the web. I miss doing this and need to do it more. Maybe keep my laptop with me so after work I can go do this or just take my work laptop with me so I can do this spur of the moment.

Anyhow, not much of a post in this, just more open thoughts to myself.

Tipping - The madness is out of control

Just getting back from Italy made me again realize how much we tip in this country, AND how many people EXPECT to be tipped for doing their jobs. In my eyes, few people actually should be tipped; Wait staff in restaurants, bartenders, valet parkers (if the valet is free), someone who goes out of their work norm like a bagger who helps you out with your groceries and puts them in your car for you, cleaning staff at a hotel.

Generally, in Europe it is insulting to tip. It means you feel they are poor and need the money. Their culture is that a server, is a server, was trained and schooled to be a server, and is paid a fair wage by the restaurant they work for. Same with a hairstylist, etc. There are some things, like students during the summer time working at a gas station pumping gas that are working solely on tips from generous patrons. This is fine to tip as, like above, it is out of the norm what they are doing.

I was online the other day reading a Groupon deal or something like that about a laser hair removal deal. This is what started my slight rant over tipping. I was reading the deal on the vendor's webpage and read "Please tip on the actual cost of the service, not the discounted amount". I thought to myself, "You have to tip someone to get laser hair removal? Aren't you paying enough to the over priced treatment anyway? (Mind you, the sale was $149 for $600 worth of treatment. To me that just shows how grossly marked up that process is.) Then I started thinking, who the hell else are we going to have to start tipping now?

It's bad enough when you walk into a fast food place (not that I am there often) and they have a tip jar sitting there. ARE YOU KIDDING! YOU MAKE FUCKING HAMBURGERS FOR YOUR JOB. YOU ARE NOT EVEN DELIVERING THEM TO MY TABLE AND YOU WANT A FUCKING TIP?? I find it overly offensive that I am expected to tip when I get a hair cut. You want more money? Then charge more for the haircut. I think it is ridiculous that I pay $30 for a haircut, on my shaved head, easiest cut ever, and then am expected to tip for 10 minutes of their time on top of the overpriced charge. Then if you are at a fancier salon you tip the person washing your hair too? Are you kidding? Isn't that their fucking job to just wash hair all day? WOW! What a super skill to tip on! When I did go regularly to get my hair cut, I did get treatment above and beyond that I did feel a tip was due. I had a hot towel on my face, a light facial massage and neck massage, all ABOVE AND BEYOND just getting a hair cut.

But what's next? Will it be customary to tip your nurse and doctor now? Dentist and his hygienist? Cashiers at stores? Plumbers who make $30+ an hour plus a trip charge, plus a truck charge, plus markup on material? Fuck, tip me people! I make sure you get paid! That is a service worth giving money for!

We are just out of control in this country with tipping. People who don't do anything worthy of it want it, people who do a job that should be tipped expect it (even if they give shitty service), and people who go out feel they have to pay it. We I say fuck that! Make a choice people. Tip and tip well when it is deserved! But tip those who deserve it. Tip based off your service, not a percentage (I tip well over 20% most times, but on shitty service I will go under 10%). I am just saying, stop over tipping. Not in the way of leaving a great tip for someone deserving, but stop tipping the taco bell workers for making you a taco. Just stop tipping people who really do nothing but what they are hired and paid to do. Stop the madness!