Ancient Chinese Secret...

No, this is not a blog about Calgon. It is about some eastern medicine and my thoughts on such.

Let's start off by saying I believe in modern medicine to a point. I believe the research is good. I think the doctors know a lot, but I also think a lot is a guessing game. I think the medicines out there are not meant to cure anyone, only to band-aid them. If medicines cured, then the pharmaceutical companies would be way out of business. So who do you really have to trust?

I could always state the obvious...kind of like Dr. Phil (who I think is a douche). Logic is not really hard to follow. If you get type-2 diabetes because you are overweight, then lose weight. If you keep getting acid reflux from eating certain foods, then, shit man, stop eating those foods! If you ache in the morning, then stretch. It is not really that hard. The drug companies make you want to just take a pill to make it all better and still enjoy your "lifestyle" and they prefer your lifestyle to be unhealthy so they can stay in business.

We are so brainwashed through advertising to "reward" ourselves with bad things (think Kit-Kat -"Give me a break (and) break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!", or Budweizer - "For all you do, this Buds for you"). Long ago are the days when "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I have been studying, learning, listening a lot about food, health and different remedies. Part of my studies have directed me to Chinese Medicine. Logic is telling me that "hey, they have been doing for thousands of years, and it is working for billions of people, so they must be on to something."

A little over a month ago I decided to cross the line of just taking herbs and drinking (often times horrible tasting) teas, to trying out acupuncture. It all began when I was super stressed from work. I was not sleeping well. I was not pleasant. I was tired. At work we were understaffed, working a lot of hours, and unsure where our project was headed. We were barely treading water and it was all getting to me. Add that to feeling bad that I was not seeing Walter much, sex drive was way down, and when I was around him I was not always the most enjoyable to be with. I tried some anti-stress herbs and vitamins. For the most part, Niacin was working well to keep me fairly perky, Melatonin was a trial to help with sleep, which, I still need to test more, my other vitamins I just got tired of taking, even my pro-biotics got pushed to the side. I needed the next level, but not the "here's a prescription, take this and hope you don't get any of the bad side effects" kind of level. I had heard, and talked to friends who did it, about acupuncture. My insurance covered it so I said "what the hell!"

I called and made an appointment at the highly recognized and very recommended Academy of Oriental Medicine at Austin . I was going to a student clinic where students took care of you under the supervision of a professional. I went in nervous and slightly skeptical. I was guided into a room and sat down. The room was low lighted (imagine if you were going to get a massage just without the candles and in a more sterile room). I was then asked what I came in for. I explained I was stressed, and a little boost to the ol' boner would be nice too. They asked me a series of questions to the tune of: "how many hours do you normally sleep? is it good sleep? how often do you have a bowel movement? is it usually hard or soft? What is bringing on your stress? How does your stomach feel after you eat? etc etc etc. It was interesting because the focused more on the bodily functions than they did on my stress.

The students then left the room, grabbed a Doctor and returned to convey to him what I had said to them and he asked a question or 2 more. They then left only to return back without the Doctor to give me my diagnosis. Apparently my "Heart and kidney were in disharmony AND I had liver 'qi' stagnation. Being fully open minded about this, I was able to not laugh. Reading it now, and thinking of all the not so opened minds may read this, it sounds hokey. After giving my diagnosis (I was laying down on the table by this point) they proceeded to poke the needles in my body. There were 21 that were going into me that day (1=forehead, 5= each hand, 2=stomach, 3=each foot, 1= each thigh). Putting them in did not really hurt.

The doctor said he would come back in 10 min to check on me. I lay there, arms stretched out checking the clock every min. I did not understand. Everyone told me how they fall asleep. How the feels so relaxed. Me? I was looking at the time. I was so not relaxed. The doctor to be came in to check on me. I said I was fine and he said he'd be back in 30 min then. I lay there. I could not relax. I reached for my phone to take pictures (that's where the one above came from). Snap. Snap. Snap. I think, "This is so funny. I should put the camera away in case the doctor comes in." I put the camera away - not the easiest task to do when you have 5 needles in your hand and forearm. I lay, look at the clock. Only 5 minutes had passed. I lay, then look again. Three minutes. "Damn," I think to myself, "This is going to take forever!"

I continue to play this game for about 10 more minutes until I finally relaxed. Then I heard the doctor in training walk in. I looked at the clock one more time. 25 min had passed. He let me know that he kept me in the room for a little longer than normal. I felt pretty good and a bit energized. I was not going to blame this on the acupuncture - I was still a bit skeptical. I left the office in a slight state of Nirvana.

On my way home I called Walter and all he had to tell me was "You just sound better" that took my skepticism away. If you could hear it in my voice, then it must be the same as what I was feeling.

I have been once since. It still felt good afterwards. I will continue to go as needed. Ancient Chinese secret...totally! Now to just add massage (recommended by the doctor in training) and I should be perfect!

A Time For Thanks

Typical, I know. There is just something about the season that makes one reflect on all the things they are thankful for.

So here it goes:

1. I am thankful for Walter still sticking around after all this time. I am reminded from time to time how lucky I am to have a relationship that is so effortless, and have a person with me that supports me and my thoughts, decisions, etc. even though he may not like or agree with some of them. I am lucky that he is willing to learn and evolve just as much as I am and experience new things in life.

2. I really I am thankful for my family even though I do not act like it sometimes. I am even thankful for those family members that are assholes to me. They teach me that you don't always have to love your family, but that you need to accept them for who they are. My family stresses me out, a lot, and teaches me patience and understanding.

3. I am thankful for my life. I am happy with the paths and adventures I have chosen to take and follow and the experiences that I have undergone. I cannot say I live with any regrets, and that I am too thankful for. It is not the way you take to the destination, it is how you enjoy the way you take and that you get to the destination. The destination is always the same, but the road each of us choses to follow is the trip of life, and I am thankful that my trip is adventurous and pleasurable.

4. I am thankful that in these hard economic times I was able to find a job - that I love! - with a company that suits me and my ideals! It gives me pleasure and joy to be part of what I do.

5. I am thankful for those friends; near and far, old and new, passed on and future. Everyone comes into my life for a reason and to teach me something. I am so grateful for all the lessons learned and everything that these people contribute to my journey.

6. I am grateful for knowledge, and the freedom to accept and reject teachings. I am thankful for the ability to be open to new things, thoughts, ideas; that I may be grounded and accepting of others even if my beliefs are different.

7. I am grateful for the growth I have gained personally. Grateful that I can take constructive criticism and work from that to be a better person. I am grateful to those to give it to me honestly, no matter how much it hurts my ego.

I think that sums up about everything. Listing things individually would be frustrating and tedious to me but I think my thanks is listed above. Thank you, whoever you are, who take the time to read my thoughts, rants, challenges. I hope it passes something good to you.

Ego Smashing Reality and other stories from the past few months

Well blogosphere, it has been since July since I have posted anything, so I am not sure where to begin. I think I am going to start with a followup on the last post. I have not been doing well, or anything really about weight loss. The stress over the past few month have had the opposite effect and I gained 5.5 pounds since then. That being said, work is coming to a plateau rather than a constant rise in workload, and more people being hired, so I can begin to focus on that again. I am not altering the goal, or throwing it out the window, but trudging forward with a knowledge that I can and will succeed in it.

August brought on a month of no weekends at home. We did a wedding for my sister-in-law, Angela. It was lovely and full of anxiety for me. All of Walter's family all in one place and I had met very few of them. It waspretty cool and most of the family were lovely to me. I did get gay bashed however by his Aunt Gloria; a pious creepy evil woman (think of the Grandmother from the movie "Flowers in the Attic"). I was kind of in shock as I have never been verbally gay bashed before. But, fortunately I remembered this was the bitch aunt who no one liked and was always causing trouble in the family, so I brushed it off. Still makes a great story though!

The following weekend was our annual trip to Wimberly with Walter's high school mates and their fantastic spouses. It was a nice weekend of chatting, game playing and delicious food. Always a pleasure to leave the city for a quite weekend with wonderful people.

The weekend after, was a nice long trip to my mom's house. This one I took alone. My little brother (not so little at age 29) was in a motorcycle accident in June so went out to bring a little cheer. Can't say it was a fully pleasurable trip. My little brother was being a dick. My mom was stressed out. I was working on computers most of the time. I did however find that I was giving my mom some much needed strength and relief. That made it worth it.

Oh, and the month of August, I also ditched the mohawk. Time for new hair, and this time I am growing it out. Not sure how long, but longer (not that I could make it shorter). So I am currently sporting some slicked back hair most days til it grows enough to go back by itself.

September was a blur. I just worked a lot. Almost every weekend. That being said...

I guess I should go with work (the main reason I have not been blogging). Work has been crazy! The highly aggressive roll out of my project has caused us to hire, just since July, 7 new resources including the last 2 this past week. Hopefully that will help us stabilize and get a work/life balance back. I have to say though that the overtime pay has come in very handy to buy a lot of things: 2 new computer desks, cappuccino maker, new kitchen accessories, pay off 2 credit cards, finish paying for our cruise in January, the start of some Christmas presents, a new couch, and some fabulous meals out. I can say I am exhausted, but the rewards have been more than awesome.

That takes me into i very ego blowing experience...my promotion. It is still fresh, and kind of stings, but I am fine with it. It was only this past Thursday that I was crushed. I cannot say I was pissed that I did not get the promotion. I am pretty awesome, but the girl who did get it did have more AP experience than I do. The crushing part was that I did not get it because the people on my team feel that I take an authoritative attitude and tone with them when I help them. I am the most knowledgeable person on the team with the software we use, and about the process, so of course, most people come to me with problems. Apparently, even though they still come and ask, they don't like asking me things because they feel like I am lecturing them. I felt a little thrown from left field on this one. The feedback was followed up with a "but everyone on the team loves you". Great. That sure made it better. I went home, drank a little and waited for Walter to get home to console me a little. Boy should I have just gone to bed! Walter got home, started to console me and as I told him the reason/feedback I received, he agreed whole heartedly with it. I sat there as he told me that I do get a condescending tone with people, kind of the tone I was talking in when telling him the story. GREAT! SO NOW I TALK IN A TONE TO EVERYONE! Ever think that is just how I talk? SO not what I needed to hear that night, so I just went to bed.

After some thought and reflection, Walter was right (although his timing to tell me that was VERY wrong). So I need to work on something. I cannot complain about not getting it. Look where not getting jobs I wanted got me: I did not get a position when I first moved here at TMA. That caused me to get a part time job at Whole Foods. I did not get the other jobs I applied for at TMA which caused me to go full time at Whole Foods. I did not get the trainer job for my team at Whole Foods which caused me to go for the position I have now at Whole Foods Global. There is obviously something better out there in the plan for me, and this experience just opened a way for me to work on faults to be able to make that next awesome step.

Well, hopefully I will be taking more time to post. Hopefully I will have more thoughts to post about. Hopefully I can update on my "challenge" to the universe with positive results. Til, next time...

Putting It Out To The Universe...Again

So last October, by the infinite wisdom of my best friend, I put out to the Universe, via my blog, what I exactly wanted from a job. Well, here I am again. This time with different intentions. This time, with a more healthier desire.

It is not a secret that I have not been the healthiest in the past many years. I can blame many things, but what it comes down to is me. Everything in the past the hindered me is fixed. The knowledge and resources are there so here I go. Putting it out there. Yes, here I am, picture and all posting to the world and limited blog readers (if any) that I plan to lose 60 pounds by this time next year. Twelve months. That is ONLY 5 POUNDS PER MONTH! Are you kidding me? That is nothing!!! Why have I not done this sooner. Here is a pic of me now.

Yes, there I am. A Wii Fit weight of 284.5 pounds. Taking this into account, I will only take the weight from my Wii Fit as valid since it will be a constant without variations like other scales can cause. I am sure I can lose the 60 pounds before 365 days are over, but that is the goal and weight I want to be at for years to come, so I think that one year is sufficed. I will do updates. To reach this goal I will start eating better and less. I already eat generally healthy, but I will start doing better than that. I will start working out and have the ambition to do it.

I plan to be around this size again...plus a few extra muscles...

Here I was healthy, active and feeling great.

So UNIVERSE! Here it is. My plan. My goal. My path to it. Hell, I even have pictures! Let's do this! And let's do it right! It worked with my job, it can work with this. I cannot promise I will be obedient 100% of the time, but I will work to get to my goal!

Embracing my new "Daddy" status

So to those of you not familiar with the term "daddy" other than the traditional, a "daddy", in gay culture, is an older masculine male. It is also defined as an older, dominating or agressive man with experience, and as an older man who chases younger men. This year I have been approached by younger men (some as young as 17). Lately I have been called "daddy" by some of those as well. While at first I took it bad. I do not think of myself as old. When I was in my 20's I used to chase after daddies. Then I took a look at that. When I was in my 20's, I used to chase after men in their upper 30's...OH MY GOD! I AM in my upper 30's now!

After that realization, I began to embrace my new status. I kind of had too since it seems more and more I am being refered to as "daddy". It is really funny though, because Walter is wondering if I am a daddy, what does that make him. I tease him and tell him he is my "boy". Only jokingly of course.

I am embracing this. Who would take offence to young, good looking guys telling you they think you are really hot, because of your age and looks. Hell, I much prefer that over the alternative...being an old "troll". I accept my new status and am thankful for it, because it could be a whole lot worse!

My Renaissance

The term renaissance is often used to describe any revival or rediscovery. This past year and a half I have been rediscovering myself. I have been learning more about, remembering more about, and just being...myself. Some people may think I have changed. Others think I am becoming how I used to be. I am just finding that I am in a rediscovery period.

There are many things that have brought me here. I think the first and most major one is our relocation to Austin. Not only was it a change of location, but a change of income, careers, and mentalities around us. Austin is such an open, artistic, fit, "weird" city that I feel completely at home being whatever I am or want to be. "Keep Austin Weird" is the motto here, and I love it! Now that we/I am more adjusted in this wonderful city, I am finding more balance.

I am going out and doing more, not hindered by the worried of leaving Walter behind because he is working, but more so, going and doing and having Walter join after work. We are doing things together; Barton Springs, kayaking on Town Lake, happy hours. We are getting out of the house and loving it. That is partially because I have a new job with a higher income.

I have written a lot here and on Facebook about my job hunt since moving. It was long and treacherous, and it was definitely a soul searching experience. People who know me really well know that my ideal job would be doing office work but being able to wear shorts and a t-shirt and if all possible, flip flops. That being said, I found what seemed to be impossible. I had some of my dealers ask me what I was going to do in Austin. I only responded that I wanted a job where I did not have to wear a suit or dress up and (half jokingly) that I could have a mohawk if I wanted to! Somehow, I got all that!

Before moving to Austin, but after deciding to make the move, I found out that Whole Foods had a corporate office here. I was not an avid shopper of Whole Foods Market, yet had some strong desire to work there. I mentioned on a few occasions that I wanted to work at Whole Foods corporate offices (finding out later they are called Global Headquarters). I searched for jobs before we moved here and with little success found nothing (finding out the economy had them on a huge hiring freeze).

Fast forward to the following February and I started temping at the Texas Medical Association. I was in the marketing department and was loving what I was doing. I was good at it. I was offered the position from the VP of Marketing. I was later told that their policy was not to pay temp agency fees to bring on a new hire. Up, down, crush. Ouch! As my assignment came to a close I was getting less and less work to do. This led to many boring days of surfing the internet and out of boredom, but to great enjoyment, I found Facebook. Reconnecting with old friends was so fun and was making the time fly. To my wonderful surprise, I was told a friend of mine from when I lived in Salt Lake City, now lived in Austin. I quickly searched him, friended him, and almost as quickly we were chatting, then meeting, then having dinner and reconnecting. It was wonderful to see an old friend 11 years after losing contact. When I told him I was looking for a job, he and his partner put the feelers out at Whole Foods where they both worked. I ultimately got a job at the flagship store, in hopes of getting into the corporate offices or, just some money coming in til I found a "real job". I never hid my desires from my management team. I even turned down becoming full time twice because I did not want someone who really needed it to not have it because I was sure I would find a real job soon. I finally took a full time spot. I was still searching for jobs on the side.

Over 170 resumes sent out, some for positions, some blindly begging for something. I had in my mind I wanted to do Marketing. I did not want to do Sale, and definitely no more Admin. The longer I was looking for jobs, the more my "do not wants" changed. I became willing to do them both, just to get a better paying, more my speed, job. I applied at Texas Medical Association once my 6 months were up with the temp agency. I had 4 interviews with them. I was even told by the HR girl that they want to have me there, but want to make sure I am in the right position. I was sad and torn after each one. I was frustrated. I finally realized, after my last interview, that I did not know a ton about TMA. I was learning more and more each interview, and in the end, I would have to be and act something different that who I am to work there. They lobby for things I do not believe in. They were a good organization, but I could only believe in what they did, personally, about 50% of the time. It was then, the end of 2009, that I decided with Whole Foods I could believe in what they believe and strive for 90+% of the time.

I finally saw what I had in front of me and decided to find a job at the regional office or at Global. I applied for a job I was totally qualified for (doing admin) and did not get it. I was crushed, and shocked I did not get it. One thing I love about Whole Foods is the opportunity they give you to deliver you feedback on your interview. I got great feedback, and realized that they made the right decision not choosing me. I interviewed for a team trainer position on my team in the store. I did not get that...mostly because they were afraid I would not stick around long enough because I was interviewing for things upstairs. This pissed me off. BAD! The next day I searched the intranet at work and found a position. An entry level accounting position. I had been thinking in my job hunts that maybe I would go back to school to do accounting, and here was an entry level position to do that. I applied. After weeks of preparation and "interviewing" I finally had the interview and got the position. I love it! I am totally enjoying it and rocking it out! So now living was in balance, now job and finances are in balance.

Now working on balancing my physical self. I have been eating much better than I was. I still have probably too many indulgences, but hey, gotta live life, but also gotta have a life to live. That being said, I am joining the gym. I bought the 24hr Fitness membership and just got it in the mail last night. Now just to take it down to the club and get my shit started. When I eat perfect, I lose weight quickly. When I eat mostly good, I stay the same. I don't eat really bad often, so no worries with gaining weight, but eating mostly good AND starting to work out will cause me to start losing AND get my ass into better physical condition. I don't intend on being this thin ripped guy. I just want to not have my belly, be active, and feel better. I know my limitations and I know what I want. I am limited by the rich foods I like to cook and eat. I know I have altered my cooking and eating habits to be better to balance out the indulgences. I know I want to feel better and be fit. I am getting this part of life in balance again. It has been about 10 years since I have been out of balance in this area. Now I am getting back!

I have some awesome friends. I have some friends that are spread out and a few here that I hang out with regularly. I feel, however, that I am out of balance socially. I am Aquarian and we are highly social people. While we are fine being alone sometimes, we prefer to be around friends. I can count on both hands how many friends we have in Austin we socialize with regularly. I can count on 2 fingers how many share the same/similar schedule as myself. I am trying to go out, meet more people who are worthy to attract my free time, and make more friends. I am slowly becoming successful at this. It takes time to "date" friends and get to know them. It takes time and effort to go try to meet new people. Not that this part of my life is out of balance, but it can use improvement.

I am also reinventing my rules. Rules on every aspect of my life. I am becoming more hippyish I think. I am taking a live and let live attitude. If it does not hurt you, hurt others because you do it then who the hell cares. Part of this thought may come from the protesters of gay marriage. They are worried it will ruin the institution of marriage? They seem to be ruining pretty darn well themselves. I highly doubt a little gay flair added to it is gonna add anything worse to the institution of marriage than is already there. But, off my rant..point being, if it does not directly effect you or hurt you, who the fuck cares! I have to say this thought is highly liberating and is helping me relax. Gotta love that.

Well, typing for over an hour now, I gotta get my ass to work. Thanks for listening, well reading. Letting me catch up. Whatever this just was.

Random Catchup...

As I was conveniently reminded via text the other day, it has been over a month since my last entry. I am not sure if it has been laziness, or lack of something to say. It is probably both. I had fully intended to write about my trip home to visit family and friends for the first time since we move out to Austin. I had wanted to write about job decisions and happenings. I was going to write about our food experiences. OK, so it is laziness that has done it. I obviously had the ideas. So here it goes, on multiple random topics...

First, my job. I have complained in the past about finding a job, job hunting, the current pay at my job, the desire to move up into the corporate offices of Whole Foods, etc. Last month I had a job interview for the front reception of the Whole Foods Global Support Offices (i.e. "corporate"). I was sure I had it. I was so much more qualified than my fellow candidates. I had all the skills required at intermediate levels and above. The interview (a panel of 9 people including the Team Leader, the CEO's Assistant, members of the team I would be joining, the Assistant to the Vice Presidents, and a few others) had gone well. I was myself (mohawk and all) and had a pleasant time. In short, it was mine. My bosses expected it to be mine, my coworkers expected it to be mine. A few hous after the interview came the phone call. He (the Team Leader) decided to not make everyone wait over the weekend to find out to was prompt in the decision and calls. I did not get it. Even the person I thought would get it if I didn't get it, did not get it. I was crushed.

I was offered an option to get feedback from the Team Leader on my interview which I took (but not at the time of the call; I had a lot of shock to get through first). The next week I took the opportunity to get the feedback which was not only positive, but opened my eyes to the "game" internal people play to get upstairs. I realized that I could apply for things that I did not really think I was totally qualified for, but has most of the qualifications and they would be willing to train on the rest. I also realized that I was glad I did not get the receptionist position. They were right in not choosing me.

I had also had an epiphany with my last interview with the Texas Medical Association. I was interviewing for a communications assistant. I thought I had this one too. Obviously I am not getting some of these jobs because I am not meant to have them. After the awesome interview and the weeks following waiting for the job offer/denial, I had time to think. I realized that I was already with a great company that I really could believe in 90+% of their ideals and goals. I was interviewing for jobs where I could agree for 50% at best. Did I really want to sell myself and my beliefs for a little more money, or be patient and get something better at a place I was already at? You guessed it. I decided to make a career of Whole Foods. I intend on it happening. If I did not, I would not have passed up a job at Apple Customer Care Center which paid about $3 more an hour than what I currently make. I know there are greater things in store at a company I really like.

On to my trip home. It was nice. I realized a few things on the trip. #1. I miss and love my family. #2. I have some great friends I love a lot. #3. I do not miss living in Las Vegas. #4. Moving was one of the best decisions of my life.

It was summed up best by our friend Renee when she told us that we looked great and it was obvious that we were so happy and she has never seen us like that before (not that we looked sad before, but it was different). I need to make a bigger effort to leave Walter behind and visit my family more (mainly financial..I hate leaving him behind, but in the past he would go see his family alone because we could not afford both of us to go, now I have to take into account the same). I also need to keep in better touch with some friends, not just the Vegas ones, but all. I get all caught up in life I often forget some of my dear friends who have helped me live it and need to remember them more.

And for eating, well, you just gotta check out my other blog since it is more fitting for there! Here is the link in case you don't know it!

One last note. My best childhood friend is getting married today! Kudos to Kevin and his new wife who I cannot wait to meet and cannot wait to see him after about 18 years!