My Renaissance

The term renaissance is often used to describe any revival or rediscovery. This past year and a half I have been rediscovering myself. I have been learning more about, remembering more about, and just being...myself. Some people may think I have changed. Others think I am becoming how I used to be. I am just finding that I am in a rediscovery period.

There are many things that have brought me here. I think the first and most major one is our relocation to Austin. Not only was it a change of location, but a change of income, careers, and mentalities around us. Austin is such an open, artistic, fit, "weird" city that I feel completely at home being whatever I am or want to be. "Keep Austin Weird" is the motto here, and I love it! Now that we/I am more adjusted in this wonderful city, I am finding more balance.

I am going out and doing more, not hindered by the worried of leaving Walter behind because he is working, but more so, going and doing and having Walter join after work. We are doing things together; Barton Springs, kayaking on Town Lake, happy hours. We are getting out of the house and loving it. That is partially because I have a new job with a higher income.

I have written a lot here and on Facebook about my job hunt since moving. It was long and treacherous, and it was definitely a soul searching experience. People who know me really well know that my ideal job would be doing office work but being able to wear shorts and a t-shirt and if all possible, flip flops. That being said, I found what seemed to be impossible. I had some of my dealers ask me what I was going to do in Austin. I only responded that I wanted a job where I did not have to wear a suit or dress up and (half jokingly) that I could have a mohawk if I wanted to! Somehow, I got all that!

Before moving to Austin, but after deciding to make the move, I found out that Whole Foods had a corporate office here. I was not an avid shopper of Whole Foods Market, yet had some strong desire to work there. I mentioned on a few occasions that I wanted to work at Whole Foods corporate offices (finding out later they are called Global Headquarters). I searched for jobs before we moved here and with little success found nothing (finding out the economy had them on a huge hiring freeze).

Fast forward to the following February and I started temping at the Texas Medical Association. I was in the marketing department and was loving what I was doing. I was good at it. I was offered the position from the VP of Marketing. I was later told that their policy was not to pay temp agency fees to bring on a new hire. Up, down, crush. Ouch! As my assignment came to a close I was getting less and less work to do. This led to many boring days of surfing the internet and out of boredom, but to great enjoyment, I found Facebook. Reconnecting with old friends was so fun and was making the time fly. To my wonderful surprise, I was told a friend of mine from when I lived in Salt Lake City, now lived in Austin. I quickly searched him, friended him, and almost as quickly we were chatting, then meeting, then having dinner and reconnecting. It was wonderful to see an old friend 11 years after losing contact. When I told him I was looking for a job, he and his partner put the feelers out at Whole Foods where they both worked. I ultimately got a job at the flagship store, in hopes of getting into the corporate offices or, just some money coming in til I found a "real job". I never hid my desires from my management team. I even turned down becoming full time twice because I did not want someone who really needed it to not have it because I was sure I would find a real job soon. I finally took a full time spot. I was still searching for jobs on the side.

Over 170 resumes sent out, some for positions, some blindly begging for something. I had in my mind I wanted to do Marketing. I did not want to do Sale, and definitely no more Admin. The longer I was looking for jobs, the more my "do not wants" changed. I became willing to do them both, just to get a better paying, more my speed, job. I applied at Texas Medical Association once my 6 months were up with the temp agency. I had 4 interviews with them. I was even told by the HR girl that they want to have me there, but want to make sure I am in the right position. I was sad and torn after each one. I was frustrated. I finally realized, after my last interview, that I did not know a ton about TMA. I was learning more and more each interview, and in the end, I would have to be and act something different that who I am to work there. They lobby for things I do not believe in. They were a good organization, but I could only believe in what they did, personally, about 50% of the time. It was then, the end of 2009, that I decided with Whole Foods I could believe in what they believe and strive for 90+% of the time.

I finally saw what I had in front of me and decided to find a job at the regional office or at Global. I applied for a job I was totally qualified for (doing admin) and did not get it. I was crushed, and shocked I did not get it. One thing I love about Whole Foods is the opportunity they give you to deliver you feedback on your interview. I got great feedback, and realized that they made the right decision not choosing me. I interviewed for a team trainer position on my team in the store. I did not get that...mostly because they were afraid I would not stick around long enough because I was interviewing for things upstairs. This pissed me off. BAD! The next day I searched the intranet at work and found a position. An entry level accounting position. I had been thinking in my job hunts that maybe I would go back to school to do accounting, and here was an entry level position to do that. I applied. After weeks of preparation and "interviewing" I finally had the interview and got the position. I love it! I am totally enjoying it and rocking it out! So now living was in balance, now job and finances are in balance.

Now working on balancing my physical self. I have been eating much better than I was. I still have probably too many indulgences, but hey, gotta live life, but also gotta have a life to live. That being said, I am joining the gym. I bought the 24hr Fitness membership and just got it in the mail last night. Now just to take it down to the club and get my shit started. When I eat perfect, I lose weight quickly. When I eat mostly good, I stay the same. I don't eat really bad often, so no worries with gaining weight, but eating mostly good AND starting to work out will cause me to start losing AND get my ass into better physical condition. I don't intend on being this thin ripped guy. I just want to not have my belly, be active, and feel better. I know my limitations and I know what I want. I am limited by the rich foods I like to cook and eat. I know I have altered my cooking and eating habits to be better to balance out the indulgences. I know I want to feel better and be fit. I am getting this part of life in balance again. It has been about 10 years since I have been out of balance in this area. Now I am getting back!

I have some awesome friends. I have some friends that are spread out and a few here that I hang out with regularly. I feel, however, that I am out of balance socially. I am Aquarian and we are highly social people. While we are fine being alone sometimes, we prefer to be around friends. I can count on both hands how many friends we have in Austin we socialize with regularly. I can count on 2 fingers how many share the same/similar schedule as myself. I am trying to go out, meet more people who are worthy to attract my free time, and make more friends. I am slowly becoming successful at this. It takes time to "date" friends and get to know them. It takes time and effort to go try to meet new people. Not that this part of my life is out of balance, but it can use improvement.

I am also reinventing my rules. Rules on every aspect of my life. I am becoming more hippyish I think. I am taking a live and let live attitude. If it does not hurt you, hurt others because you do it then who the hell cares. Part of this thought may come from the protesters of gay marriage. They are worried it will ruin the institution of marriage? They seem to be ruining pretty darn well themselves. I highly doubt a little gay flair added to it is gonna add anything worse to the institution of marriage than is already there. But, off my rant..point being, if it does not directly effect you or hurt you, who the fuck cares! I have to say this thought is highly liberating and is helping me relax. Gotta love that.

Well, typing for over an hour now, I gotta get my ass to work. Thanks for listening, well reading. Letting me catch up. Whatever this just was.

Random Catchup...

As I was conveniently reminded via text the other day, it has been over a month since my last entry. I am not sure if it has been laziness, or lack of something to say. It is probably both. I had fully intended to write about my trip home to visit family and friends for the first time since we move out to Austin. I had wanted to write about job decisions and happenings. I was going to write about our food experiences. OK, so it is laziness that has done it. I obviously had the ideas. So here it goes, on multiple random topics...

First, my job. I have complained in the past about finding a job, job hunting, the current pay at my job, the desire to move up into the corporate offices of Whole Foods, etc. Last month I had a job interview for the front reception of the Whole Foods Global Support Offices (i.e. "corporate"). I was sure I had it. I was so much more qualified than my fellow candidates. I had all the skills required at intermediate levels and above. The interview (a panel of 9 people including the Team Leader, the CEO's Assistant, members of the team I would be joining, the Assistant to the Vice Presidents, and a few others) had gone well. I was myself (mohawk and all) and had a pleasant time. In short, it was mine. My bosses expected it to be mine, my coworkers expected it to be mine. A few hous after the interview came the phone call. He (the Team Leader) decided to not make everyone wait over the weekend to find out to was prompt in the decision and calls. I did not get it. Even the person I thought would get it if I didn't get it, did not get it. I was crushed.

I was offered an option to get feedback from the Team Leader on my interview which I took (but not at the time of the call; I had a lot of shock to get through first). The next week I took the opportunity to get the feedback which was not only positive, but opened my eyes to the "game" internal people play to get upstairs. I realized that I could apply for things that I did not really think I was totally qualified for, but has most of the qualifications and they would be willing to train on the rest. I also realized that I was glad I did not get the receptionist position. They were right in not choosing me.

I had also had an epiphany with my last interview with the Texas Medical Association. I was interviewing for a communications assistant. I thought I had this one too. Obviously I am not getting some of these jobs because I am not meant to have them. After the awesome interview and the weeks following waiting for the job offer/denial, I had time to think. I realized that I was already with a great company that I really could believe in 90+% of their ideals and goals. I was interviewing for jobs where I could agree for 50% at best. Did I really want to sell myself and my beliefs for a little more money, or be patient and get something better at a place I was already at? You guessed it. I decided to make a career of Whole Foods. I intend on it happening. If I did not, I would not have passed up a job at Apple Customer Care Center which paid about $3 more an hour than what I currently make. I know there are greater things in store at a company I really like.

On to my trip home. It was nice. I realized a few things on the trip. #1. I miss and love my family. #2. I have some great friends I love a lot. #3. I do not miss living in Las Vegas. #4. Moving was one of the best decisions of my life.

It was summed up best by our friend Renee when she told us that we looked great and it was obvious that we were so happy and she has never seen us like that before (not that we looked sad before, but it was different). I need to make a bigger effort to leave Walter behind and visit my family more (mainly financial..I hate leaving him behind, but in the past he would go see his family alone because we could not afford both of us to go, now I have to take into account the same). I also need to keep in better touch with some friends, not just the Vegas ones, but all. I get all caught up in life I often forget some of my dear friends who have helped me live it and need to remember them more.

And for eating, well, you just gotta check out my other blog since it is more fitting for there! Here is the link in case you don't know it!

One last note. My best childhood friend is getting married today! Kudos to Kevin and his new wife who I cannot wait to meet and cannot wait to see him after about 18 years!

A bunch of Babble, a slight Rant, and self Improvement

I am tired of the cold. I am ready for the warmth as much of America is right now. I thought moving to Austin meant very mild winters, and everyone says it does, but this year is the exception! While it is not bad, we have had some record breaking lows, and there are weeks long of nights that are around 30 degrees. I don't like that but what can you do. I have learned that keeping the heat in my house is costly (to the tune of about $300 for the power bill) and we have learned the benefit of turning the heat down and snuggling under a blanket to watch TV. This kind of brings me to my topic of how spoiled we are as a society.

I see people all day at work come in and buy buy buy, which is great, but some buy things because they are too lazy to do it. A lot of people buy pre-cut fruits and vegetables at 2-5 times the cost of actually just buying the items separately and doing it themselves. They buy pre-made dinners, frozen lunches, prepared foods out the ass ON A DAILY BASIS! I know this is awesome for business, but how great is it for them? I listen to how people have no time because the kids have to be here and they have to be there and meeting someone over here. People need to stop plugging up their lives and stop, look around, and re-prioritize things. Is it important to you, or your kids that they are in soccer? It is important to you that you hit the gym but pick up Mc Donalds for dinner? Do you need to be in 5 social groups or just devote your time to one or 2. Does it make you feel more important when you spread yourself too thin? or is it just wearing you out so your family suffers? I am not saying that everyone does this or that this is every case, but you have got to stand back and reassess.

I reassess thing in my life all the time. I could be at home blogging in the comfort of my own home, but I decided to get out today, enjoy the beautiful day and go to a coffee shop. It got me moving and out of the house. While I like being at home now (since it is better than the last place we lived and more comfortable), I also realize that I like to be out too. Too much time in one place is kind of dull, and the last thing I want to be is dull. I decided also to try new foods since I was in a habit of fixing the same things over and over. When the weather improves, I am planning on getting out into nature (something I was unsuccessful at doing last year). I am reminding myself about the things that make me happy and relieve stress, and if something does not get done, then I will do it later. No stress.

We think that if we want something we need to just get it. I am horrible at that. I am learning to figure what I want and then give time to see if I really want it or just wanted it at that moment. I have found a lot of times I only wanted things because they are cool at the time. I have some of those things sitting on a shelf in a closet never being used. Some get used from time to time but most just go to the Goodwill at some point. It is when I wait for it, that I realize I really want it.

I think we would be a less wasteful society if we just learned to wait to buy things for ourselves, our kids, our pets. We might realize that what we think will be great at the time, we actually have already, or will never use. In society today, we seem to not believe in returning things. We throw out money because we are either too lazy to take it back or too embarrassed. We need to stop being so spoiled and wasteful. I know it has to start with me! It has to start with all of us.

Here's to 36 years!

Well it is that time again, the time that some dread, others look forward to, and most just ignore. Today is my birthday! Yes, here I am a grand ol' 36 years old. Often I refer to that number as "29 again" but really, I don't look my age so it does not really matter except in a joking manner.

As I reflect over my 36 years I have to reflect on the triumphs, experiences, and mistakes made. Some of the best and worst still are effecting my life today. My choices in life brought me to where I am today and made me the person I am. I have to say, I really do love myself! I do not say that in an egotistical way, but in an appreciation to everything I have done to get me to this point.

While I have been blessed with a mostly awesome family (a few need to pull their heads out of their asses and realize some things about life and family), I have also been blessed with some really awesome friends too. Some have come and gone over the years. Some have left and I am glad, others I have been blessed to reconnect with this year (thank you FaceBook!). All in all, the people surrounding me are a blessing to me. They help to shape who I am. They help to keep my in line. They shoulder my needs at times and give me wonderful, uplifting words of wisdom. They accept me for all my faults and all my good attributes. Thank you to them!

Major things I have accomplished and done in the past 36 years? Well, here are the highlights of some of the coolest and most interesting and life-shaping things I have done:

1. Kindergarten - Yes, lame as it is, I learned to tie my shoes there (which I still use today unlike Algebra), socialize there, play well with others, and paint. MAJOR things I took from that first year of school.

2. Family camping trips - I learned (the hard way) what plants not to touch (like poison ivy/oak) and began a love for the outdoors and what it had to offer. You can probably couple this to my move to Utah which only enhanced my love of the outdoors and hiking. It too away the beach, but gave me Zion's National Park, one of my favorite places to spend a day to this day.

3. Cooking with mom and grandma - Yes, it all began there. My mom use to let me make my own scrabbled eggs after kindergarten as my lunch, a skill I still have today! LOL While I never progressed to open my dream restaurant (mind you I was like 13) Stephen John's, the foodie in my is still cooking and loving trying new foods and learning new skills. This year, the goal is to learn to make the things I love, but in a healthier way.

4. My mission - Odd as it sounds to some (and to others it is a surprise that such an anti-religious gay man did that), my stint as a Mormon missionary was one of the best experiences in my life. I learned so much about myself, other cultures, life outside the U.S., other religions, and keep many friends from that experience. I miss my other home of Slovenia and the people I love there.

5. College - Probably not in the same way as most. My college experience started in 1995 at the University of Utah. I completed exactly 5 classes there, dropped out, came out moved to Las Vegas, continued there off and on until graduating from UNLV in December of 2007. Not only did it teach me to not procrastinate, but also to follow through with things I start and that if I want to accomplish something, I can do it even in tough times. There I learned to voice my opinions no matter how unpopular they were because others can learn from it. I learned to listen and learn, but also to challenge things as part of the learning process. Who knows, maybe a Masters Degree might be in my future. We will see.

6. Hollywood Parties - Yes, thanks to a dear friend (which I won't mention in case he could get in trouble even after all these years), I was able to get into the Miramax parties at the time of the International Film Market 2 years in a row. It was awesome. Great food. Stars everywhere. High up industry people. I was even able to share it with my little brother. It was great times and awesome to remember.

7. Travel - maybe I have been blessed, or maybe I made my own destiny, but I have been blessed to see amazing places through travel with friends, family and on my own. Here is a quick rundown of places I have been in order from childhood (not including small domestic towns and not repeating multiple visits): LA, Las Vegas (lived there too), Alberta/Canada, Australia, Tahiti, Germany, Austria, Slovenia (lived there too), Italy, Croatia, Chicago, England, Scotland, Hungary, NYC, Hawaii, Dominican Republic, Austin (live there now). Places I still really want to go...Greece, Egypt, India, Hong Kong, Vancouver, Toronto, Alaska, Peru, Spain, Portugal, Belgium, Sweden, Czech Republic, Turkey, Fiji, Brazil, Argentina, Puerto Rico, Iceland, New Zealand, and I am sure there are others I cannot think of off the top of my head.

8. Relationship - Yes, the one with Walter. While I could not tend to date anyone for more than 2 months (I don't believe in wasting my time with something I could not see going long term), I suddenly found Walter. It took 2 years for us to actually connect, but when we did well, here we are 9 year later! Can't say we have been perfect, but we have never gone to bed mad. I love him so very much and am blessed he is in my life.

9. Art - while it is a passion like cooking, like cooking, I do it mainly for my pleasure. This year, for the first time I have sold my artwork to someone other than friends. There are 2 people in the world that own something I did. It feels awesome. I need to pursue it further. Just getting the ducks in a row.

10. Jobs - while I have been everything from a bus boy, to a card dealer, a pit boss, to a sales manager, I have been blessed to have a job. Now it is time to settle in a career and that is my hunt this year. I love all the experience that makes me well rounded for all situations, but now is the time to focus. Hopefully I will be blessed with that in my 36th year!

Anyhow, just a few things that formed me over the past 36 years. I hope there are more and more exciting things I do in the future to continue shaping my being. Here's to 36 years of life!

I went to the grocery store...

OMG! I guess I have not been the a "regular" grocery store in about a year other than just a quick run in with friends to grab salad stuff and go. Last night started it and today just put me in awe again.

Walter and I have been shopping at farmers markets, natural grocers, and Costco since moving to Austin. I had not realized how long it had been since we had been to a regular chain store that is not "natural". Last night we had the task of buying dessert for a Project Runway viewing party. Not a hard request, at least we thought. We hit Randalls, a Safeway chain here in Austin. It was on the way and we figured it would be easy to find something. Oh were we surprised!

Quick backstory before I go further. For those who have not kept up with the blog, and maybe to those who need it all spelled out, Walter and I are attempting to eat better. Thanks to education from Whole Foods, Carly the Nutritionist, the crazy but fabulous Gillian McKeith, the movies Food Inc. and King Corn, we have become much more selective on what we buy. If we have a choice on the preparation of food, we avoid: hydrogenated anything, corn syrups (including high fructose corn syrup), artificial sweeteners, and pretty much anything we cannot pronounce. We have been successful especially since we read labels to determine what we will buy. We are not organic freaks, but we do believe in moderation of all things and avoiding the chemical foods that are being thrown at us. We have loss of control at times, but 95% of the time when we buy it at the store is fall under our list.

Back to the dessert. We decided to check out the cakes. OH DEAR GOD the ingredients scared the crap out of us. Sugars I am fine with, even the refined ones, but adding corn syrup and bleached flour that is "enriched"(basically meaning all the good nutrients were stripped out of it) AND hydrogenated oils and stuff, that is ridiculous! So we moved to the thought of fruit and yogurt with some granola. Always a nice treat, but the cost of the fruit was outrageous and if I wanted to spend that much on dessert for 6 I would have just hit Whole Foods (which looking back would have been the best solution to start with. Who knew! I guess I was blinded, or just spoiled). We went to the freezer section next to check it out. After aimless wandering, Walter finally had the brilliant idea of Root Beer Floats. YUMMM! So off to the ice cream aisle.

Milk, cream, sugar, WHAT...CORN SYRUP? If it has sugar in it, why do you need corn syrup too? After looking at 4 different vanillas, we finally found one that fit into our eating/buying standards. Off to get some root beer. This was something I knew would post a challenge, but I did not know how much. After searching soda after soda and finding every root beer there, finally we found Hansen's all natural sodas. I knew these were good because we sell them at Whole Foods. Root beer! Finally! Wait...it is "diet". Skim skim skim. SUCRALOCE! ICK! Still bad, so we settled on Cherry Cream Soda Floats.

Success on the dessert, now forward to today. After a long day of work and Ikea shopping, I thought I would run and get some stuff for hamburgers., YUMMM! So I headed back to Randalls. I figured while I was there I would pick up some fresh veggies and stuff too. OH DEAR GOD the search began again! Thankfully there was ground turkey breast, on sale too. I did not see any veggies that really tickled my fancy other than some broccoli crowns at 99 cents a pound. I needed some buns for the burgers and decided on the least of many evils; the one with only 15 ingredients (all of which I was familiar with) rather than the many with 20+ ingredients one of which was, yes, corn syrup. I found some organic yogurt, some Italian "boxed" tomatoes (Pomi. Delicious and all natural if you want a simple good "sauce" for your pasta), some Half and Half (the one WITHOUT high fructose corn syrup and about 5 other unnecessary ingredients. Really people, it is half and half. The name says it all!) and my attempt to buy ice cream was a bust unless I wanted the one, lone vanilla I had purchased the night before or spend about $7 for a pint of a really fancy gelato (which I get cheeper at Whole Foods). I walked around in awe and started watching people grabbing body killing shit off the shelves. No wonder we are so obese. No wonder we have the health problems that we do. How can we care so little about our lives to be so uneducated about what we are eating? Do people not read the ingredients anymore?

I am no fanatic about anything. Again, balance and moderation, but being there, watching these people made me start to feel like a fanatic and I literally felt sad.

Please, friends, family, you unknown readers out there, PLEASE become educated about what you are ingesting! Please do something about it. Please spend the extra fifty cents for the better half and half (that was a cost difference between the nasty one and the one I bought). Please share your education. I admit, I don't work out regularly, but in the past year of living in Austin I have lost 30 pounds. In the past year and 1/2 since I have become more educated about food, I have lost 55 pounds...all just by what I eat! If we all put the demand for better, non-processed, healthier food out there, they will listen! When they listen and it becomes more the norm it will become more affordable; and speaking of costs...is it worth saving the money now to only fork it out to doctors and hospitals later? Think about it.

Anyhow, that is my thought and my pain tonight. Good night

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Images are in order of a year and 1/2 ago, a year ago, 9 month ago and 3 months ago.

Final Moments of 2009

Here we are again, at the end of another year. Typically that means holiday cheer and parties. For Walter and I, for the past 3 years, it means moving. Hopefully we will be out of this cycle and onto the next best thing. Here are some highlights and lows of the year. I will list the blessings and curses (which are learning opportunities for us) of the past year.

Highlights/Blessings

1. The move to Austin- A great change of pace.

2. Blessed to find jobs at the right time- right before we went through all our savings, we found jobs. I had a temp job full of opportunities and then got my job at Whole Foods. Walter got a job at Party City, followed by one at Puma then his current one with West Elm (the one he wanted from the moment he heard it was going to open at the beginning of the year).

3. New and rekindled friendships. Walter reconnected with friend from high school, me with a friend from Salt Lake City I had not seen in 11 years, and new friends we were blessed to meet.

4. Medical attention- I found out about a program through one of the big health care providers here in Texas and was able to get the attention I needed while I was without insurance.

5. Found a fabulous new place to move to!

6. The group of Walter's high school friend get together at the ranch in Wimberly. It was fun to be away from everything and get to know everyone and their significant others better and bond with everyone. I hope for another one or more this coming year.

7. Learning humility and patience. It was a long year with that lesson! LOL

8. Healthy living started here! Thanks to Carly and desire!

Lows/Curses

1. Change- Change in location. Change in income. Change in living space. Change in pet. It was rough and different, but we learned a lot and survived.

2. Missing family. But it makes me more appreciative.

3. Can't really think of anything else. Guess that makes it awesome!

Not the best recap, but just things off the top of my head. I welcome 2010! May it have more highs than lows just like this year!

I Live in a Crooked House

No joke. I really do. You can sit a bottle on the floor in the kitchen and without a push it will roll across the house to the bathroom. It is kind of funny, until you start to realise that it is giving you a contant uneasiness in your living space.

It is almost a year that we have been here. Almost a full year of living slanted. Tomorrow is that day that all changes. We get the keys to our new place. One not so slanted. One that is cleaned and ready to move into. One that has amenities including a daily trash valet so we don't have to take out our own garbage if we don't want to.

Needless to say I am excited. I am excited for the extra space, new location, storage, pool for the summer time, and last but certainly not least, I am excited to be level again. I think this house we are in now defines our year. It is a very nice place and grateful to have it, but it just was a little off. It was not quite what we expected or wanted, but it sure worked out for our needs. As the year passed, needs changed and so has our circumstances. Everything improved culminating up to our new place. I am excited for the new space and the new year coming. I have a grand feeling that it is going to be a great one!