I find it interesting that people take the time to be thankful on Facebook each day of this month. It makes me wonder if they think about what they are thankful for on a daily basis. As a child I would say a prayer and I was always "thankful" for the same things each time: my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters, my home, food, etc. But that became a rehearsed "thankful", it lost its sincerity in repetition. Is this how we are now? We repeat what we are supposed to be thankful for that we forget or take for granted what the thanks is really for? Why do we wait in this country to be be thankful for things until November? I guess because in December we focus on those things we don't have and want (thanks commercialized Christmas). Maybe they cancel each other out somehow...
I am not saying that I think about what I am thankful each day, but I do "stop to smell the roses" multiple times each week and think of how fortunate I am for the life I have. I try to tune out the negativity of others while realizing that sometimes it triggers me to be negative. I guess I am thankful for that self-awareness.
There are so many things that I am thankful for this year so in the spirit of the holiday, I will list them out here.
1. Walter. This year we had the pleasure of being married. Nearly 13 years with this wonderful man and he's not sick of me yet. I am difficult sometimes and he knows when to just let it roll off his back. I am thankful for his patience with me and his ability to evolve with me in our life together.
2. The fact that we can now get married. With the fall of DOMA, it allowed us to be married and gain the rights that we should have had for ages now. I also had the privilege to officiate the wedding of my best friend and his husband. Amazing!
3. My family. Most of them anyway. I do love them all, but some just piss me off regularly and some I don't even talk to. But I somehow still love them all and do care about their lives and well being.
4. My friends. This year has been especially hard since we left many wonderful friends in Austin, who I miss terribly, and have been on the search for new friends in Chicago. We have been fortunate to find some great friends here and many good acquaintances as well. Hopefully this next year we will be able to build stronger relationships with those and acquire some new as well.
5. My job. While I am sometimes in turmoil about what I want to be when I grow up, I am lucky that I work for a company who allows you to explore your passions and try new things.
6. The city I live in. It is a new city and so much to explore and enjoy. As I walk to work and see a building I have not noticed before, or some beautiful architectural detail, I am reminded I live in a city with beauty and rich history.
7. My mind. While sometimes I think I have lost it, I am thankful that it functions and serves me in many aspects of my life. It keeps me calm and self-aware. It sometimes runs too much and interrupts my sleep, but better than it not going at all and becoming stagnant.
8. My physical movement. I am made so much more aware, especially as I age, that the ability to move and be mobile is so important. I am grateful that I still have this ability and need to focus on keeping it and improving it as I get older.
9. My life. Not the breath I have that allows me to live, but everything that surrounds me. I am fortunate to have the things I need, the money to buy things I want. A warm comfortable place to live. Wonderful people to surround me. The eyes to see the beauty around, the ears to hear the sounds of the birds and the city, and the heart to appreciate what I see and hear. And most importantly, a companion to share it all with.
There are so many more details that I could add to this. So many more things to list, but why list them? I need to think of them regularly, throughout the year. Be thankful that I wake up each morning and thankful I can walk to work each day. Thanksgiving should be celebrated regularly, not just on the 4th Thursday of November. I need to stop and appreciate life more often. Smile more. Love more. Laugh more. And be serious less. Being thankful daily should bring these things year round as opposed to this one day each year.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Accepting Even When We Don't Get It
A coworker and I have been chatting a lot about a lot of things. She talks about her daughter a lot and is so proud of her. The other day she walked into work and had a very distressed look on her face. I greeted her with a "good morning" followed by a "how's it going?". She stopped, pondered her answer, and said "My daughter thinks she is supposed to be a boy. We had a long talk about it last night."
So a quick backstory on this, her daughter has thought this since the first grade, so this was not anything new. From the 1st to the 4th grade they would buy her clothes in the boys department, cut her hair short, and allow her to live how she felt she was. WONDERFUL PARENTING in my opinion; letting the child live the life they think they are, only guiding the child to make good decisions, but letting the child keep her individuality. She is now 12.
So when my coworker told me, I felt for this child and her mom. I scooted my chair over so we could talk. The next words that came out of her mouth with some light tears was, "I don't care, I just ache over the pain and confusion that she is going through."
We talked for a good amount of time about finding some support groups. Finding some sort of group to help her daughter see and talk with other transgendered persons. Her daughter still is not 100% that she is a boy, but strongly feels she is. I told her the best part is that she has a supportive mother and father to help her through it all. I reminded her that I don't feel the way her daughter does, so it confuses me just as it confuses her, similarly that I am gay and one who is not cannot understand completely how I feel the way I feel about my sexuality. Her daughter still likes boys, but does not rule girls out either. I joked that she might be a gay man trapped in a woman's body! We giggled and realized that might be fully true! She made me smile the next day when she said "my daughte...err, kid" to adjust her own vernacular on referring to her daughter.
This has caused me to think a lot over the past few days about how healthy it is to accept, even when you don't understand and will never comprehend. This can apply to so many things we experience in life. Not accepting people for silly things that don't matter is damaging. Parents are the worst offenders and psychologically damage us all the time. If it is the little boy in pre-school wanting to wear a dress at playtime and being shamed for it by ANY adult (teacher or parent) or in my case, being gay and tired of living the lie. It still hurts when those close to you or who you look up to are unaccepting of who you are. The reaction that you have, be it yanking the boy to the back and pulling the dress off him yelling at him how only girls wear dresses, or having such an issue that I am gay the you stop talking to me completely is a bad one. The damage still occurs.
It is really not hard to just accept someone for who they are. People complicate it more than it should be. They bring outside influences in when it should just be a natural human response of "ok, that is how you are, and this is how I am, and we are all different, and while I don't understand that aspect of you, I still think you are wonderful and love you". It is really that simple. I know it is easier said than done. So many things brainwash our minds into what to believe; religion, community, culture, media, etcetera. It is time we took our humanity back and listen to our pure hearts. Strip all the crap off. Be like children who don't know and don't care that something is socially demonized or stigmatized. Let's just start caring in the right, supportive, loving way. The human way.
So a quick backstory on this, her daughter has thought this since the first grade, so this was not anything new. From the 1st to the 4th grade they would buy her clothes in the boys department, cut her hair short, and allow her to live how she felt she was. WONDERFUL PARENTING in my opinion; letting the child live the life they think they are, only guiding the child to make good decisions, but letting the child keep her individuality. She is now 12.
So when my coworker told me, I felt for this child and her mom. I scooted my chair over so we could talk. The next words that came out of her mouth with some light tears was, "I don't care, I just ache over the pain and confusion that she is going through."
We talked for a good amount of time about finding some support groups. Finding some sort of group to help her daughter see and talk with other transgendered persons. Her daughter still is not 100% that she is a boy, but strongly feels she is. I told her the best part is that she has a supportive mother and father to help her through it all. I reminded her that I don't feel the way her daughter does, so it confuses me just as it confuses her, similarly that I am gay and one who is not cannot understand completely how I feel the way I feel about my sexuality. Her daughter still likes boys, but does not rule girls out either. I joked that she might be a gay man trapped in a woman's body! We giggled and realized that might be fully true! She made me smile the next day when she said "my daughte...err, kid" to adjust her own vernacular on referring to her daughter.
This has caused me to think a lot over the past few days about how healthy it is to accept, even when you don't understand and will never comprehend. This can apply to so many things we experience in life. Not accepting people for silly things that don't matter is damaging. Parents are the worst offenders and psychologically damage us all the time. If it is the little boy in pre-school wanting to wear a dress at playtime and being shamed for it by ANY adult (teacher or parent) or in my case, being gay and tired of living the lie. It still hurts when those close to you or who you look up to are unaccepting of who you are. The reaction that you have, be it yanking the boy to the back and pulling the dress off him yelling at him how only girls wear dresses, or having such an issue that I am gay the you stop talking to me completely is a bad one. The damage still occurs.
It is really not hard to just accept someone for who they are. People complicate it more than it should be. They bring outside influences in when it should just be a natural human response of "ok, that is how you are, and this is how I am, and we are all different, and while I don't understand that aspect of you, I still think you are wonderful and love you". It is really that simple. I know it is easier said than done. So many things brainwash our minds into what to believe; religion, community, culture, media, etcetera. It is time we took our humanity back and listen to our pure hearts. Strip all the crap off. Be like children who don't know and don't care that something is socially demonized or stigmatized. Let's just start caring in the right, supportive, loving way. The human way.
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