Lust for Life

So it has been awhile. Far too long actually since I last blogged. Just like with many things in life, I've been putting it off. Not because I don't want to, but because I was lazy, or just not making the time. And just like many things in life, an event triggered a realization that I need to get off my ass and do something about it.

What event? Well, unfortunately death. And old Frenemy killed himself this last week. "Frenemy" you might ask? Yes. We hated each other for the longest time. It was more like we felt each other was taking something away from the other and jealous of it. It was not until years later when we spent a long evening in a friends hot tub that we talked it out and though the years had caused the hate to fade, they also gave the maturity to understand each other.

So while this event stemmed this post, it is not about death, but about life, friends, and living. While I never expected to have someone who I have not seen in a good 10-12 years death cause me to cry, it did. It brought back memories that, actually, were all good. What it also did was cause me to reach out to people who I don't normally. People who I should more regularly. People who helped shape the person that I am and who I love dearly for it. People who live far away, so are often forgotten in my everyday life, until an event like this happens.

I am on both sides of the spectrum here. I have been the one still loved yet forgotten from everyday life. I have also been the one forgetting about special people. The saying is kind of true, Out of sight, out of mind. I don't think we ever intend to do it, but as I think I said many times in the last couple of days "Life just gets in the way". But why? If people are important, they should be part of your life. I appreciate Facebook for that. I can see what people I love and appreciate are doing on a regular basis, "like" what they do, leave a comment of sarcasm or approval, and move on. But that is only for a few. What about the others? Those who don't have a Facebook or post on it. Those who I only have their email or phone number. I have detached from calling people or emailing them. The "time" doesn't seem to be there when it really is. It is understandable though. We do keep social during the week and often forget. And I am not pleading to be better at it. Just stating it really. We are in a world of overload where we often do forget.

While I am making memories with my friends now, here, in the present and place I am now, I need to remember the memories of those in my past and work to making more with them. Could it be a need for a long weekend and flying to see them? OR even meeting up somewhere with them to hang out? I don't know. I am still figuring that part out. But that brings me to something more...having the lust for life also. I am guilty of sitting and doing nothing, and sometimes one needs to do that. We do need to rest. But I don't want to rest from work, I'd prefer to rest from doing fun things that exert my energy. Get out and do, and stop fucking just thinking about doing it! That has been my goal this year is to do. I think I am doing better at it, but not as good as I'd like to be. Is it fear? Laziness? Time? Well, I doubt it is the time. My mother always told me that I tend to always make the time and have the money to do the things I really want to. The rest is an excuse. Honestly, she is right.

I don't know. I feel I am all over the board on this post right now. I don't want to write a tribute to my friend who passed. His memory to me is enough. But I do want to remind myself to live life. To make the time for what I want to do and to DO IT. To think about and communicate more often with those in my past as much as I do with those in my present. To remind people that I love them, even though I don't say it enough. To make sure that I am who I am without apologies. To never regret not doing something. To explore the world and its beauty...the places, the people, the cultures.

I am not getting younger and don't want to be the man on his deathbed saying "I wish I had..." but the man saying "I did everything I wanted to do."